The Dog Star Project
by ontheFLY
Summary: Emmeline Vance, talented Chaser and feisty Gryffindor sixth-year at your service. Too bad I ruined all that by getting tangled up with a lowlife like Sirius Black. Note to self: avoid associating with any male who is literally a dog in his free time. (Emmeline/Sirius) EPOV
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to the one and only J.K Rowling.**

**CHAPTER ONE**

So I suppose you could say it all started at the Quidditch final last year.

Gryffindor had slaughtered Slytherin as predicted, and returned to a typically wild after-party in the common room. Big news huh? Which teen romance _doesn't _start with loud music on full blast, rogue bludgers whizzing around the heads of drunk adolescents, Fire whiskey chugging competitions, numerous games of spin the bottle...and intoxicated Chasers chasing guys instead of sticking to the much more sensible Quaffle?

Not that I'm by any means calling this a teen romance. Sorry but ew.

And the intoxicated Chaser at this particular party? Yup, you guessed it; that's me. Sixth-year Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and also the only female member of said team, something I was actually more proud of than the position itself. As a chaser I played alongside the infamous James Potter, something I really didn't sign up for. I suppose he's an alright guy, but seriously - talk about hogging the ball. Last year we voted him Quidditch captain even though after a 30 minute acceptance speech listing all the people he wanted to thank, and not to mention all the ones he didn't, believe me - we were all changing our minds. I've to got to admit he did a pretty good job in the end though as we hadn't lost a match all year.

Quidditch was what kept me going; school work was ridiculously stressful and, as I had happily assumed the 'who needs it?' philosophy during fifth-year, I had a lot of catching up to do if I wanted to pass my NEWTS. I spent the entire first term in the library (no joke, I literally slept there) studying my ass off, to the point where I had read almost everything on my chosen subjects and was even asking to borrow books off the Slytherins. Not a good idea, as many of them weren't prepared to return the polite tone I adopted and found it funny to just hex me instead. I learnt to ask with simple blackmail; "Give me that Charms textbook or spend the next week in the hospital wing with your face covered in exploding boils; your choice."

People say I'm what you call a strong personality, and I suppose it's true that I'm highly intelligent, dazzlingly gorgeous and incredibly skilled on the Quidditch pitch. Sarcasm. I'm stubborn, sometimes mean, and extremely headstrong, not to mention I've got the worse temper in the world. Hey, at least I can admit it! You wouldn't believe some of the conceited blokes we've got in Gryffindor, which leads me nicely onto the other subject of this story besides yours truly; Sirius Black.

Think tall, dark-haired, incredibly good-looking – but all this completely ruined by the fact that he's an arrogant idiot. Oh yes he might _think_ he's the funniest guy on the planet and that he's smart for pulling pranks in class or taking girls up to the Astronomy Tower, but it's all a lie.

I know saying that's only going to make me sound even shallower later on, but that night, as I waltzed down the stairs from the girl's dormitory wearing a short midnight blue dress and with my hair (which is long and brown and boring) twisted into a messy side plait, I felt great. The whole common room had been taken over by the party; even Remus Lupin, whose sandy hair and freckled complexion was usually hidden behind a book, had got himself drunk and was dancing, not particularly innocently I might add, with Marlene, who had really gone to town on her appearance and spent the previous two nights sleeping in curlers to achieve the glorious wave of golden curls that now cascaded down her back. Lily, who also looked pretty good in a sparkly crop-top and skinny jeans, had spotted James looking for her and gone to hide, whilst my last dorm mate Alice, wearing an understated white halter-neck dress, was talking loudly over the music with Frank Longbottom. Which left me.

Skip forwards an hour or so and I'm completely drunk and surprisingly sitting under the arm of Arthur Weasley, who kept drooling in my hair.

"I'm gonna go find Lily," I shouted at him over the music, and ducked under his arm, narrowly escaping his other hand which was trying to pull me onto his lap. I turned and waved at him stupidly, only realising a split second later that it made me look like an air-head, before disappearing into the crowd.

And that's how I ended up: pressed flush up against my fellow Hogwarts students, all of whom were drunk, shouting loudly and attempting to dance. I felt small and claustrophobic. Let me just point out that I'm normally really into these post-Quidditch parties, but at this point I was on my own and if I was gonna have fun I wanted to have it with my friends. Although how exactly I was going to find those friends in this raucous gang I had no idea.

"Lily Evans!" I yelled, hoping she'd hear me; the common room's not that big after all. Someone did hear me, but it wasn't the someone I was looking for.

"You haven't seen her, have you?" James Potter said anxiously, fighting his way through the crowd towards me. Yeah I'll say it; Potter's attractive. He's got this stylishly messy black hair, a winning smile, big shining blue eyes and not a bad body too. Honestly Lily, you don't know what you have till you lose it.

I grinned at him. "Hence the shouting. I thought I saw her with Marlene earlier, but you know what she's like; always disappearing."

"Tell me about it," said James unhappily. I feel sorry for him sometimes; he tries so hard with that girl only to be rejected again and again. I made a mental note to talk some sense into her later.

"By the way, I think Padfoot's looking for you."

"Er...come again?"

"Sirius is looking for you. Sirius Black," he said very slowly and deliberately as if I was stupid and didn't know who Padfoot was. I may not get on with him 24/7, but Black and I run in the same circles; my friends are his friends and vice versa. So yeah, seeing as I'd been around him since I was eleven, by this point I knew about their weird animal nicknames, and that private foursome club called the 'Marauders'. Merlin knows what those guys get up to in their spare time.

"Yeah I got it the first time, James," I snapped. "What the hell does Black want?"

James shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? I saw him after the match finished and he asked me where you were; I was trying to find Lily so we went different ways and I haven't seen him since. Don't look at me like that Em, I was as suprised as you are."

Confused, I left James with a group of adoring female Quidditch fans and went off on a manhunt. Even as I searched for him, I didn't know what I was doing; looking for Sirius Black...seriously, you'd think I had a death wish. Most of the time I can't stand him, which is a feeling I'm not afraid to express; we almost always end up fighting, and the few times that we're civil, I get Lily whispering something about sexual tension in my ear. Sometimes you can't win.

I ran around like a mad thing (don't forget I was totally pissed) for about half an hour searching. At one point, I spotted someone who had the same dark hair locked in an embrace with a brunette girl and thought I'd found him – except when they broke apart it turned out to be Evan Rosier with none other than Saoirse Finnigan, pretty Ravenclaw and one of my good friends. She grinned at Rosier – who's a git and probably couldn't believe his luck – before noticing me gaping at her and turning an unflattering shade of crimson.

I didn't even say anything, just gave her a fiery stare and stalked right on past without a backwards glance. She ruined my swagger by catching up a minute later.

"It's not what it looks like," she said earnestly.

"Oh my mistake, did Rosier have something down his throat that you said you'd fish out with your tongue?"

She looked a bit wounded. "We've been seeing each other for ages."

"Let me just bring you back down to planet Earth; Rosier's a Slytherin. How did you even get him up here without someone tearing his head off? If you have to do what you're doing, at least do it in private! And preferably not at the party celebrating the fact that the Slytherins were annihilated on the Quidditch pitch this afternoon."

"But he's allowed to be here; Pettigrew invited him!" Saoirse sighed in exasperation. "He's not bitter about the match or anything; he's not even interested in Quidditch."

"Oh sure he's not. He's totally not into Quidditch, just like the entire rest of the school."

I felt a bit mean when she didn't reply, and stopped to look at her. "Look Sear, you can do what you want. Even if it has to be with Evan slimy back-stabbing low-life Rosier. Right now I'm actually looking for...someone else...so I'll see you in a bit..."

I trailed off because at that point I spotted another Sirius lookalike and darted off in pursuit. However when he turned around to talk to his mates it turned out to be some fifth year I didn't recognize and, as this was turning into a bit of a wild goose chase, I found an empty armchair away from everyone and collapsed down into it, thoroughly worn out.

Fourth and fifth years were drifting off to bed while the seventh year prefects began to usher everyone else off the dance floor. Most of them simply shrugged and took the party out to the Room of Requirement; I spotted Lupin with his arm round Marlene, and James trying to catch up with Lily who had seen him behind her and had practically dashed out of the portrait hole to escape.

I was too tired to move. Someone lit the fire and the strong heat washed over me like a tidal wave, pinning my limbs to the soft red velvet and turning my muscles to jelly. I would've fallen asleep right then and there, if I hadn't heard someone creeping up behind me. Just call me 007.

Turning around sharply, I saw the person I'd been hunting for all night, downing the contents of a bottle of Fire-whiskey.

"Damn, Vance," Sirius smirked, dropping the bottle to the floor and flinging himself down in the armchair opposite me. "Life and soul of the party, aren't we?"

I would've said something clever had I not been biting back pain; spinning round so fast had given me whiplash. I know; pretty smooth right?

Lounging in the chair with his arms flung out like that, it was easy to tell Sirius was from the Black family. His dark hair was pushed back off his forehead and was in a state of casually messy disarray; two grey-blue eyes sparkled down at me, shining out of his pale face like headlights, as he pushed up the sleeves of his tattered shirt with the top button undone and the rest covered by a skinny tie that hung like a dog collar around his neck. He grinned wolfishly at me.

"Sirius Black," I said through my teeth, rubbing my sore neck tenderly. "Why is it that when I'm looking for you, you're nowhere to be seen, and when I'm not..."

"It's part of my charm." He winked at me. "You were looking for me? Oh Merlin, what have I done this time?"

I scowled at him. "Potter said _you_ were looking for _me_. I was only trying to make things easier for you, considerate human being that I am."

"Wait – Prongs said I was looking for you?"

I nodded.

"I knew he was drunk but I didn't know he was _that _drunk."

"Oh shut up, Black."

"Ooh, cutting. That one hurt me deep inside. I know you're only trying to conceal your true feelings for me, but you don't have to be so brutal about it; not sure I can take another verbal abuse as painful as that one."

And people wonder why I don't get along with him.

"If you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me alone," I said coldly. "I've had a pretty awful night actually so I'd really rather you went and found someone else to piss off."

He looked genuinely taken aback at the lack of sarcasm in my voice, and I watched him with a certain satisfaction as he struggled to find something to say; seriously, I can read him like a book and he's only comfortable when he's acting like a prat.

"Why do me and you always have to fight, Emmeline?"

Ok, so I didn't see that coming.

"Because...because..." It was my turn to struggle for words. "Because I can't have a conversation with you without you saying something that you _know_ is going to wind me up. And because you're annoying, and... arrogant, and argumentative and actually quite aggressive at times –"

"Ok I get it –"

"Hey, the A's were just the start, I could work my way through the alphabet finding words that describe you. Belittling, big-headed, belligerent-"

"Look, just listen for a minute will you? What if I don't want to be that guy? The one that pisses you off and the one you don't wanna hang out with and the one you roll your eyes at in class because you clearly think I'm such an idiot."

There was a pause. "Um, Black, how drunk are you?"

"I mean it. I really do want us to be friends."

And what was weird was that he _did_ mean it. I'd seen him effortlessly spin stories to teachers and girls and even his best mates before, but he definitely wasn't lying now. Whether that was down to his actual good nature or his alcohol consumption I couldn't tell, but it was the first time he'd ever mentioned any desire to be friends and...hey, it was late, we were drunk and I was too tired to put up a fight. Sue me.

I smiled at him weakly, feeling stupid after my immature tirade of abuse. "Sure, ok. Me too."

"Good," he said, returning the smile and standing up to stretch himself. "Hey, wanna come upstairs with me?"

Woah. That right there is the definition of moving too fast; we'd barely called a truce on six years of arguing before he was inviting me up to his room. Alarm bells started ringing. _This is why we never befriend a nasty boy like Sirius Black_ chided a little voice in my head.

The 'nasty boy' must've sensed the shock and suspicion on my face because he sighed and crouched down beside me. "None of the others are back yet and-" he lowered his voice to a melodramatic whisper as if he was passing on prime gossip "-waiting up in an empty dormitory on your own is scary as hell."

I raised an eyebrow. "Sirius Black, scared of the dark?"

He grinned. "Don't tell anyone, it'll completely ruin my reputation."

"What, your reputation as a player or as an idiot?"

"Just when we were getting along so well." He shook his head in feigned disappointment. "Come on Vance – do you really want to stay down here on your own? No one will be back for ages yet and Filch is bound to come crawling around."

He had a point.

The boy's dormitory had changed since I'd last visited. That sounded like I go all the time, which I _don't_ by the way. The last time I explored that particular slice of man heaven was back in fourth year when we'd had a giant group sleepover after our mock OWLS, and I can still remember the horror as I first walked in; dirty clothes thrown everywhere, duvets on the floor, pillows split and leaking feathers, trunks emptied out onto beds and a stale smell of sweat and body odour hanging in the air. Lovely. I was used to sharing a dorm with Lily Evans, which means either you learn to keep yourself organised or you get out.

Now, it was less like a war zone and more like an ordinary dormitory; four beds were positioned around the room with four trunks at the foot of each. It was easy to tell who's was who's.

The bed by the window on the far left was Remus Lupin's: it was by far the neatest and there was a towering pile of books stacked next to his trunk.  
Next to that was James's bed, which again was simple to identify; it was covered with a Gryffindor Quidditch duvet onto which he had thrown his Quidditch robes, and above the headboard were tacked numerous diagrams and lists of tactics he had yet to share with the team.  
Pettigrew's bed was surprisingly the messiest; he was obviously a fitful sleeper as his pillow, duvet and mattress were all overturned onto the floor. No Quidditch memorabilia for him; about five Muggle rock band posters were tacked to his walls, all depicting angry-looking teenagers clutching scratched bass guitars.

Sirius's bed, which was the nearest to the door, was positioned right below the skylight window, through which a shining crescent moon was visibly glittering in the night sky. His bed was reasonably tidy, apart from a small pile of schoolwork he was obviously in the middle of completing - and he had covered his free wall space with drawings and photographs.

Sirius noticed me looking. "I did most of them in first year," he said quickly as I wandered over to have a closer look. His drawings were beautiful; wild pencil sketches of dragons and unicorns and hippogriffs, and his photography was no less breath-taking. A lot of the moving black and white pictures were of Hogwarts (although there was more than one of what looked like a Muggle motorbike), some taken in mid winter where the turrets were coated in a blanket of snow, and some taken in the hazy heat of summer. My favourite however was a photo partly concealed by an out-of-place exam schedule that had been grudgingly tacked up; it was a photograph of all the sixth-year Gryffindors, taken as we got off the train at the beginning of the year. Me, Lily and Marlene were all laughing at something Peter had said while Sirius and James were posing goofily with their arms round each other's shoulders, and Remus and Alice were comparing timetables before both glancing up at the camera and smiling briefly.

I slid it out from underneath the exam table and sat down on the bed, staring at the moving figures intently. Sirius sat beside me, and we stayed in silence for a while, listening to the slow ticking of the clock and the muffled shouts of the prefects trying to regain order downstairs.

"I forget where we are sometimes," Sirius said abruptly. "I forget it's a school and that we're going to have to leave next year and actually do stuff on our own."

I nodded, still looking at the photo. "At least you always knew you'd be coming here, growing up in a pure-blood family. For me, Hogwarts was totally out of the blue. Going back home now and showing my friends photos like these ..." I pointed at the pictures of Hogwarts. "It's like they're the two dimensional ones in black and white and Hogwarts is the colour reality. I don't know how they don't get bored with it." I laid the photo carefully on the bedside table. "I guess they all get bored with me instead. It's just hard to fit in with conversations about celebrities and makeup when I've spent my year playing Quidditch and learing how to fight off Dementors. They say magic's ruined me, but I think the truth is that life's not enough for me without it anymore, and in the end we just run out of things to talk about. Maybe it _has_ ruined me."

I looked up laughing, expecting to find him raising his eyebrows at how serious the conversation had become, but he was staring at me as if properly seeing me for the first time.

And that's when he suddenly leaned in, slid his arms round my waist and pressed his lips to mine, gently pushing me backwards onto the bed. I didn't even have time to call him an asshole.

**A/N Thanks for reading! I know Sirius is a real badass and I may have strayed a little from that bit of basic characterisation, but I think he also had softer more creative side which comes out when he lets his guard down; he's only human after all, even if he _can_ turn into a giant black dog at will.**

**Hope you enjoyed Chapter 1! If you did, please click Follow/Favourite, leave a review or keep reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

I was sweating, which was odd.

Never in my six years of sleeping in the girl's dormitory had it ever been hot in the mornings; the castle didn't have central heating and there were no fires allowed in our rooms. On any other day it would've been cold, unbearably so, especially as the red leaves of the trees outside were crisp with frost and the autumn sun had barely risen in the watery blue sky.

I also had a pounding headache, which wasn't so odd as this was by no means the first time I'd woken up with a hangover. I couldn't be bothered to open my eyes yet – Lily would be up already, being Lily, but it was a Saturday and anyone with a shred of human decency would still be in bed. Snuggling back down into my pillow, I prepared to happily drift off again to the kingdom of dreams and spend my morning fast asleep.

But something wasn't right.

This wasn't my pillow, I realised with a jolt. It was too lumpy, and it smelt unfamiliar; a peculiar mixture of lemons and pine trees...not altogether unpleasant, but unfamiliar nonetheless. I wriggled my toes into the mattress, which, I discovered, also felt different; this wasn't my bed either. Mystified, I tried to sit up but found myself pinned down by a strange weight on my chest. I frowned in confusion and rolled over, seeking reassurance.

Instead, I collided with something big and heavy.

My eyes flew open in shock. Lying next to me, snoring with his eyes closed and one arm flung casually across yours truly, was none other than Sirius Black.

Oh.

And then it all came flooding back; the Quidditch after-party, James telling me to go look for Sirius, calling a truce on our arguments, going up to the boys dormitory with him, that startlingly passionate kiss and...everything else that followed.

Oh. _Oh._ Shit, shit, shit.

I sat up abruptly, dislodging Sirius's arm which caused him to frown and mumble something in his sleep, and looked around. I couldn't see much: it was not yet light outside and the curtains around the four-poster bed were drawn apart from a gap where Sirius's leg was sticking out. I spotted the door with a sigh of relief, standing ajar and sending a thin chink of light into the room. Time to escape.

Suddenly wide awake, I hastily pulled on the first item of clothing which came to hand and threw back the bed covers, wincing at the sudden stab of pain in my head from moving so fast. I glanced behind me; Sirius was still deeply asleep, his dark hair messier than ever and falling over his eyes with his arms flung out on the bed around him. He looked peaceful, happy. It made me almost uncomfortable to witness him in this state of total vulnerability, but it was strangely hypnotising to watch the flicker of his eyelids and the rhythmical rise and fall of his chest.

I drew the curtains and padded silently across the dormitory. As I neared the door, I was just about to congratulate myself on my stealth when I tripped over something on the floor and almost cried out in shock.

So much for 007.

Someone stirred in the bed on the left; I whipped around to see James Potter rolling over with a frown on his face, but before I had time to panic, he had flung himself down on his front and began snoring loudly again. Rolling my eyes, I reached down to find out what had nearly blown my cover, and picked up something soft and familiar; my blue dress from last night with the zip ripped at the back as if someone had pulled it open in a hurry. I winced. How I was ever going to live this down I had no idea.

I left the boys dormitory without a backwards glance and hurried down the flight of steps to the common room, my head spinning not just from the fact that it felt as if someone was _mining_ in there but also because of the realisation of what had just happened; I had slept with Sirius Black.

_What a tramp _sniggered a nasty voice in my head._ You're no better than any of those girls he meets up at the Astronomy Tower. You remember, the ones you always said had no respect for themselves._

This is different. This was a stupid drunken accident. No one is ever going to find out about this, and it's never going to happen again, I told myself firmly.

_Sure _said the malicious voice. _You're just scared to admit that you easily could've told him to shove it and left with your dignity intact, but instead you went with it and ended up staying the whole night._ _Tramp._

I silently cursed my conscience for being such a candid bitch. To state the obvious, sleeping with guys who I know are morons brings out the worst in me.

I emerged in the common room to find far more people up than I had anticipated. Thankfully there was no one around from sixth year but I got a couple of funny stares from other Gryffindors who sat in the armchairs around the fire, and Marlene's brother in the year above raised his eyebrows at me questioningly. I avoided his eyes, all too aware of the fact that I had just emerged from the dormitory of the opposite sex clad in Merlin knows whose clothing, and in my rush to get out of there I hadn't had time to look in a mirror; seeing as I hadn't taken off my makeup last night, I almost certainly looked like I'd been woken up by Necromancy, and my hair, still in its once-stylish messy plait, had probably matted itself up into one colossal dreadlock. All in all, not my best look.

I slunk across the room (which, in my shame, felt about a million times longer), rushed up the stairs to the girl's dormitory and pushed the door open softly.

Yup, just as I predicted. Two out of the four beds were occupied: one by Alice, who was sporting an uncharacteristic hickey on her neck, and the other by Marlene, whose blonde curls had lasted the night and lay spread out on her pillow like a halo. Lily's bed was neatly made and empty; I could hear the sound of running water from the shower. Stealth renewed, I crept across the carpet, being careful to avoid the piles of clothes that lay flung on the floor from last night, and collapsed onto my own gloriously familiar bed.

I wanted to sleep and forget everything that had happened, but by now the sun was resolutely up in the sky and light was streaming in through the windows. Undaunted, I lay down and shut my eyes.

Just as I was about to doze off, Lily ripped open the curtains around my bed. I could've ripped her head off in return.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty," she said, far happier than anyone had a right to be at that time in the morning. "Everyone's up and we're all going down into Hogsme– whoa, what happened to you? You look awful."

I opened my eyes blearily. Lily was standing at the foot of my bed, long red hair still damp and darkened from the shower, wearing a green pinafore dress and a knitted cardigan. She had her hands on hips and was gazing down at me with a mixture of concern and distrust on her face, almost as if I'd _already_ lied to her about where I'd been all night. Unfortunately for me, that part had yet to come.

"Charming. Eugh...what time is it?" I pulled my pillow over my head and moaned with sheer misery at the situation.

"Ten o clock. Best part of the day." Lily still sounded pretty suspicious so I decided to throw her off the scent before we got to the nosy questioning stage; I guessed this was a given when I was discovered sleeping naked apart from a stranger's T-shirt.

"Hey, whose shirt is that Emmeline?"

Great. Before I'd even had time to come up with an excuse, bam: we're into interrogation territory.

The inevitable question had come not from Lily but from Marlene, whose bed is right next to mine, and who was leaning over with a disturbingly hungry look on her face. I'm wildly jealous of course but I can admit Marlene's stunning to look at; long blonde hair, wide-spaced blue eyes, killer figure. She's also from one of the richest families in the wizarding world, and is the biggest gossip I know.

Lily looked as if she had been going to ask that same question, and now both of them were staring at me intently as if they expected me to sprout wings and fly off. Believe me, I wanted to.

Seeing as no wings were appearing, it was time to put Operation Cover-up-the-fact-that-I-slept-with-Sirius into action.

"Oh, this old thing? It's a Ravenclaw's from seventh year. I borrowed it off him."

"_That's_ where you were all night!" Marlene's eyes lit up. "A seventh year? What was his name?"

"I...er...don't know." Ok, that was lame. "I can't remember. We were really drunk; you know how these things work. Most of it's just a blur to be honest. All I can remember is downing half a bottle of Fire whiskey and then...nothing."

It seemed to satisfy Marlene, who looked a little disappointed that I couldn't remember any details of my imaginary shag but nodded understandingly nonetheless and turned back to painting her toe nails, but Lily looked unconvinced. Hey, she's my best friend; I'd worry if she couldn't see through me when I was telling a lie as obvious as this one. She gave me a look that said _I don't believe you and you're telling me the truth later whether you like it or not _and flounced off to blow-dry her hair.

I dragged myself out of bed and half walked, half crawled over to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I wanted to shower off every inch of last night, destroy every bit of evidence that it had even happened at all. I ripped off the T-shirt in a sudden fit of anger and threw it balled up into a corner. It could wait there in the dark until I had the decency to return it to its owner – no way was it staying anywhere near me to serve as a grim reminder of the capital crime I had committed.

I peered into the mirror gloomily, wondering how it was possible to look this much like an Inferius and still be alive. There were huge makeup smudges under my eyes that made me look remarkably like Remus Lupin on a bad day (not particularly healthy that one). As well as that, my lips were pink and swollen and screamed 'I've been snogging all night', my hair was indeed a giant dreadlock and I smelt all over of that same citrus and pine tree scent; Sirius's scent. Upon realising this, I instantly felt nauseous.

Let me just point out that I hadn't just lost my virginity, as it might be logical to guess from the way I was reacting. I'm just utterly not the sort to sleep around: shagging guys I barely know only to have disgusting rumours about my sex life circling behind my back? Seriously, no thanks. Sure, I've had boyfriends in the past, but none of them anything like Sirius Black and that's why I was so disgusted with myself: I kept my guard up, I prided myself on not letting anyone in that was his kind of arrogant or had his sort of reputation. Except I just had. I had let him in all too literally.

Eugh, inner conscience, you were right: I'm a tramp. Damn you and your principles.

_It's true. You're a tramp_ my conscience agreed.

The shower was hot and perfect, and over way too soon; I had only just finished shampooing when there was a loud knock on the door.

"Hurry up, Emmeline! We're leaving in ten minutes!"

"I don't want to come! Just go with Alice and Marlene," I shouted, eyes closed and savouring the feel of the hot water cleansing me of my sins.

"Sorry Em, we're going to make you come even if you refuse. It'll be fun! It was Peter's idea so all the boys are going too. I get to spend the next few hours with James drooling on my sleeve; joy."

All the boys._ All the boys_.

"Lils I'm definitely not coming. I just remembered – I've got this thing called free will."

"Nice try."

"Lily! Don't make me do this!" But I could already hear her footsteps fading away.

Perfect, absolutely bloody perfect. Now I had to see Sirius in person, with the whole gang along for the ride. Oh Merlin this was going from bad to worse; couldn't a girl have a typical morning-after to herself for once?

Apparently not; the minute I stepped out of the bathroom, Alice practically leapt in to take my place. Marlene was gone, probably off to flirt with Remus some more, which left Lily, lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling.

"I think James likes me," she said calmly.

"Well done Lily! Did you work that one out all on your own?"

"No seriously." She sat up and looked at me solemnly. "I think he really honestly likes me."

"Understatement of the century," I laughed. "That boy's been crazy about you since first year."

Lily slumped back down on the bed with a look of painful realisation on her face. "I'm a real bitch to him sometimes, aren't I?"

"No, of course not." I know right? Brilliant white-lying brownie points to Emmeline. Too bad that was slightly overshadowed by the amount of normal lying I'd already done today. "He's the one that tormented your friend for five years and loved every second of it; you've got every right to steer well clear of him."

"A friend that called me a mudblood."

There was a pause. We'd never really discussed what had happened last year between her and Snape, mainly because I'd never liked him to begin with and Lily didn't want to hear another 'I told you so'. Just for the record, I would never have said that even if she had wanted my opinion. He may have been an evil greasy pathetic little slime-ball, but Lily was my best friend and had genuinely cared about him; who was I to judge her friendship with Snivellus? Sorry, I mean Snape.

"James has always been a bit immature," I said evenly. "It's taken him long enough to let the air out of his own big head if you ask me, but he's changed and he's not the same conceited prat he was when we were kids. Maybe it's time you gave him a chance."

"Remember last year when I said I'd rather go out with the giant squid?" she said with a small smile.

I grinned. "Something along the lines of 'I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it.' One of your finest moments Evans."

"He's still not exactly what I'd call boyfriend material," she mused. "Not the sort you could settle down with. I definitely don't see him as a being a good father, either."

"Who said anything about James being a father? Live in the moment. It's not like you're going to marry the dude."

"True, but it would be nice to think there was a possibility of some sort of a future with him..."

"Lily Evans. You're actually considering this aren't you?" I said incredulously, sitting up and staring at her in disbelief.

She looked a bit uncomfortable. "No. Not really. I was just thinking about what it would be like, you know, being James's girlfriend. He'd probably just go off flirting with other girls," she said hastily, as if to reassure herself that she still thought he was the same arrogant bullying toe-rag he'd always been and was never going to change.

"Sure," I smirked. "It's not as if he's had that opportunity already. Funny, not a single girl has ever expressed any sort of wish to go out with James Potter, popular sexy Quidditch captain that he is." She didn't even laugh at the sarcasm. "Come on Lily, he could have his pick of the lot. I think the fact that he's turned down every single one of them is something to think about."

At that moment, there was a knock at the door.

"Don't worry, I'm not coming in." Lupin sounded very embarrassed. "James sent me to say he's sorry but Hogsmeade is off. Hufflepuff had the pitch booked but their seeker's in bed with flu so it's available after all; James has organised emergency Quidditch practise."

And I thought it couldn't get any worse. At least in Hogsmeade I would've been able to distract myself with my friends and the budding romance between Lily and James, rather than spend the whole time desperately avoiding Sirius who would no doubt be taunting me with details of what exactly had happened last night. Now I had to not only avoid him, but do it on a broomstick to boot.

"Oi Remus! Are you sure it's for the _whole_ team? We literally just won the Cup: that doesn't sound like an emergency to me."

"Yep, he wants the whole team. Sorry Em."

"Will Sirius be there?" I blurted out suddenly.

"Er...seeing as he's on the team and it's a whole team practise I'm fairly sure the answer to that is yes, Sirius will be there."

"Can't you tell James I'm sick?"

"We both know he'll drag you out anyway."

"Can't you tell him I've been savaged by wild rabid dogs?"

"Very funny. He says be on the pitch in ten minutes."

"Rats," I said moodily as Lupin's footsteps faded away. "You get to stay in and sleep while I have to go play Quidditch at – what time is it? I haven't even had _breakfast_."

Lily looked put out too, maybe because she'd planned on having her first civil conversation with James in six years before he'd cancelled on her and organised Quidditch instead, the singular thing he loved on an equal level to Lily herself.

"Why did you want to know if Sirius would be there?" she asked shrewdly.

"No reason. I had a fight with him last night. It's going to be a bit awkward," I said lamely, feeling bad.

So I lied, big deal. Its not like there was even much point as Lily saw through it instantly and was about to open her mouth to question it, before Alice emerged from the shower and began asking her questions about the upcoming Potions final. Talk about saved by the bell.

Fifteen minutes later – fashionably late if you ask me, and really Remus, telling me to get ready in _ten minutes_ while I'm standing there with a towel round my head? Who do you think I am? – Alice pushed me firmly out of the door.

"What's got into you? You love Quidditch normally. I've never seen you not be excited about flying around in the cold to chase after some magical flying balls." Alice thought Quidditch was stupid and a waste of time; this opinion remained the one weak link in our friendship.

"I don't feel well," I moaned, reluctantly dragging my feet down the flight of stairs. "Isn't there some sort of potion that'll make me throw up? That way I could spew all over Potter's robes and he might give me the day off as punishment."

Alice smiled ruefully. "They'll invent it one day. Honestly Em, I've never seen you like this. You're not _actually_ ill are you?"

"No, I'm just tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"Ooh I know, Marlene told me! Seventh year Ravenclaw wasn't it? Tell me all the dirty details later!"

"Right," I muttered dejectedly, making my way out of the portrait hole towards the Quidditch pitch. "Sure. All the dirty details."

**A/N Bit of an insight into the Lily/James developments, as well as an introduction to the girls. Hope you enjoyed reading - the dreaded Quidditch match is coming up next. Review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

By the time I got down to the Quidditch pitch, walking as slow as was humanly possible to try and delay the inevitable humiliation I would have to endure, half the team were already in the air throwing the Quaffle around as a warm-up. James stood in the centre of the pitch directing them while a few eager first years made their way up to the stands to watch.

I stood on the bank, chewing my nails with apprehension. I didn't even know who knew about last night, considering Sirius wasn't the sort of guy to keep a secret and we'd done it in a room that was occupied by three other people. What if the whole team knew? What if the whole of Gryffindor knew? At least a dozen people had seen me leaving the boy's dormitory this morning; I would be forever labelled as just another one of Black's lays.

What happened to self-respect, chivalry and romance? Lily was luckier than she knew; Potter would do it properly with flowers and chocolates and Valentine's Day cards. And what did I get? A one night stand with Sirius Black, self-professed player; he and romance didn't even belong in the same sentence, I thought miserably.

"What the hell was that, Simmons? Are you _trying_ to let Slytherin win? Nice turn Shacklebolt, keep it up. For Merlin's sake! Do that again Bones, and so help me I will– Vance! Finally!"

I'd forgotten how vicious James becomes when he's in Quidditch-mode. Seriously, he makes a Hungarian Horntail look tame.

"Sorry Potter. I blame Lupin; he told me when I'd just come out of the shower," I said, jogging across the pitch towards him.

"Is that meant to be an excuse?! Get on your broom and get started before I kick your good-for-nothing ass off the team."

Sounds pretty fierce huh? Fortunately I'd been playing long enough to know that these were empty threats; if he really _were_ to chuck me off the team, it would take at least another couple of months to find a replacement seeing as official trials were over, and that wouldn't leave enough time to train them up before the next Quidditch season began. Ha Potter, good luck pulling that one off.

"Just one quick query before I do: it's been 24 hours since we won the Cup. Sure you don't want to end on a high and suspend training for a week? Look at the team. It's not like you're going to even get decent play out of them after last night. Go on, James. Why don't you just leave it for today?"

There was a brief pause in which James's face turned about four shades of angry red while I stood there, silently regretting my words.

When he finally spoke, his voice was thunderouS and ominously low. "Was that a rhetorical question or do you actually care that sickeningly little about whether we win or lose? Choose your answer carefully."

"Well depends which way you look-"

"No you know what? I don't even wanna hear it. Get moving."

I pulled on my gloves reluctantly, cursing James Potter for being such an obstinate bastard, and was just about to take off when I spotted Sirius a few feet away, hovering in the air with the Quaffle under his arm. Don't worry: he's not a Chaser, god forbid. I personally suspect favouritism, but last year James gave him the position of Beater, which was highly controversial as he didn't even come to the tryouts. Like I said: favouritism. Who said Potter was professional? Black looked surprisingly awake this morning considering the amount of alcohol he'd consumed last night; he was sitting up straight and alert, there were no bags like mine under his eyes and he was roaring with laughter at Edgar Bones who had just almost fallen off his broom, much to James's annoyance.

"I mean it, Bones. One more prank like that and Pettigrew can have your spot!"

Ironic how in any other situation, James would be the one pulling pranks. He took nothing seriously, apart from Quidditch which he seemed to use to make up for everything else by being ridiculously sensible. The guy didn't know the meaning of 'happy medium'.

I kicked off from the ground and darted up into the air, the wind blowing my hair back off my face. Flying brought me to life and set my senses on fire; I could smell the smoke on the breeze, hear the swish of the wind and taste the rain in the air. I had planned to get as far away from Sirius as possible and play on the opposite side of the pitch, but someone had other ideas.

"Pair up!" shouted James. "Bones and Rogers, Simmons and Shacklebolt and Padfoot, you go with Vance."

_Padfoot, you go with Vance!? _Right Potter, I hope you're ready for the rant of abuse that's coming your way the second we touch down.

I pointedly avoided Black's eyes as he flew up beside me. Maybe if he knew I had no interest in talking about it, we could just avoid the subject completely. My bad for being so naive.

"So, where did you disappear to this morning? I thought we could pick up where we left off last night," said Sirius, tossing the Quaffle neatly into one of the hoops. I still wouldn't look at him, but I could hear the amusement in his voice and it made my blood boil.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said icily.

"Don't be embarrassed; I've had weirder."

I didn't reply.

"Well this hour and half's not going to pass very quickly if you refuse to communicate. Never mind, I guess I'll just use the silence to list all the things you were shouting last night: 'Sirius', 'Oh my god', 'Harder', I think at one point you said 'You're killing me–'"

"Right," I snarled, cutting across him. "Let me set you straight on one thing: last night never happened. Unless you want to plummet to your death, I suggest you shut up and accept it."

To my irritation, Sirius just laughed. "I think we're a bit passed all this now, given that we've seen each other naked."

"Just... stop ok? I'm not in the mood."

"Stop? Are you sure? That's definitely not what you wanted me to do last night," he grinned. I didn't give him the satisfaction of a reply. "Come on Vance, it's not that big a deal."

Oh he's done it now.

"Not that big a deal?!" I repeated incredulously. "I slept with _you_!"

"Yeah and you're not the only one to have experienced that luxury. Although to be honest you are the only one that's reacted like this –"

"I mean, _you_!" I went on, ignoring him. "You've slept with half the bloody school! And there's me thinking we could actually be friends despite your filthy reputation, and then I just end up like all the rest of them! I _thought_ I was being nice and going up with you because you were scared of the dark but, oh no, a completely ulterior motive soon became more than apparent when you shoved your tongue down my throat, right before you-"

"Wait a minute: what do you mean, 'filthy reputation'?"

"Oh I wouldn't worry Black, what they're saying is all true," I said spitefully.

"Hey, just coz your last boyfriend was Mundungus Fletcher!"

"Look, do you _want_ to spend the next week in the hospital wing? Carry on like this and I'll happily do you a favour and make that dream a reality."

"The hospital wing?! No, not the hospital wing! Those cold beds, that evil nurse and the probing! Oh, the endless probing!"

"Don't talk to me about probing! I've got hickeys in places I didn't even know-"

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

James Potter sat on his broom in front of us, looking from one to the other with a mixture of fury and confusion on his face. Caught up in our argument, neither of us had noticed that the game had already started.

"Sorry if training's getting in the way of your cosy conversation," said James acidly, "but seeing as the pair with the least points has to go clean up the Room of Requirement from last night at the end of this, it might be a good idea to _stop talking and get on with it._"

I shot Sirius a death stare as we swooped down into the game. Gone was the misery and remorse I had felt before; all that remained now was anger, anger at myself for being so stupid but mostly anger at Sirius Black for...let's just say existing.

The Quaffle sped past and I snatched it from under Shacklebolt's nose, shoving it under my arm and diving for the goalposts. I was just about to score when Rogers blocked my path and sent a bludger hurtling towards my head; I swerved, colliding with Simmons who yelled and slipped sideways off his broom, just managing to catch it with his left hand and clinging on for dear life. He kicked out wildly, hit Sirius who had flown down to see what all the fuss was about and the two of them fell to the ground in a heap; luckily for them, we were only about six metres up and both of them lay on the grass in fits of laughter.

On the other side of the pitch, James rolled his eyes in despair and put his head in his hands.

The rest of the practise progressed much like any other; the mock-Quidditch in pairs was over pretty quickly when Shacklebolt caught the Snitch, and no one complained when James reluctantly finished ten minutes early (he _said_ it was because he needed to catch up on homework, but I noticed that Lily had wandered down to the side of the pitch and, to put it lightly, James looked a bit distracted).

I dismounted and started off towards the changing rooms, determined to put as much space between me and Black as I could. But things didn't turn out quite like that. Story of my life.

"Emmeline! Wait!"

Recognising the voice, I kept walking pointedly, but it wasn't long before he'd caught up with me and grabbed my arm.

I wrenched it free. "What do you want, Black?"

Sirius ran a hand through his windswept hair, panting slightly. He glanced up at me and took a tentative step back; I wondered why before I realised I was glaring at him.

"I just wanted to say sorry. I didn't mean to wind you up earlier. Actually I sort of did, but..." he glanced around and lowered his voice "I'm not going to spread it round, or tell anyone or anything. In a way I'm sorry it even happened because I thought we were finally gonna be friends. Hey, maybe we still can be."

"I think we ruined that possibility when we spent the whole of last night shagging," I said coldly.

He looked like he was going to say something in reply, but he closed his mouth as if deciding against it and began to walk away.

"Black?"

He turned round. "Yeah?"

"Thanks," I said begrudgingly. "You know, for not telling anyone."

He winked at me. "Don't mention it. And hey!" he called over his shoulder as he turned to leave. "It was a random drunk go after a party. Could've happened to anyone – even you!"

I smiled in spite of myself, watched him walk away for a moment longer, before realising what I was doing and hurriedly going to take a shower.

Half an hour later, I found Lily sitting in the stands with Remus playing chess. The black queen smashed a white pawn to smithereens as I approached, and Lily reluctantly handed over a sickle to her grinning opponent.

I sat beside her and stared out at the pitch. The sky was still dark and overcast, storm clouds creeping in ominously like rolls of fabric, while the red and gold flags from yesterday's final that were still flying from the stands rippled and billowed in the strong wind. There was no sun, and the lack of light made the whole world look grey. It felt like winter; there was an icy chill in the damp mist that wound around the goalposts like ribbon. I shivered, having forgotten to bring a coat, and huddled against Lily for warmth. The weather made me feel alone, enclosed with my problems; I wanted to tell someone and get it off my chest.

"How was practise?" asked Remus absentmindedly, sending his knight forwards to brutally destroy Lily's bishop.

"Boring. No one was really into it and James was practically wetting himself with frustration."

"Yeah, I saw him shouting at you and Padfoot. What happened there?"

"We were arguing," I said cautiously. "Something might've happened between us last night..."

"You didn't punch him again did you?" said Lily with genuine concern. "You've got to stop doing that, Em; you're not a violent person but you can't let your anger get the better of you."

I scowled at her. So what if I may have punched him in the nose _one time _during third year? He had been calling me names all day and picking on first year Slytherins, which I don't agree with. Ok so there's an unfriendly rivalry between the two houses, but at least give them a year or so to build up a decent defence! Bullying first years is weak, cruel and pathetic. I said just that to his face, because as you've probably gleaned thus far, I've never had any problem expressing my ideas, and he called me a traitor and something else very rude. There was only one thing for it; as my mum always said, actions speak louder than words. I later received detention for my 'violent behaviour', and my parents grounded me for a week over the holidays. But let it never be said that Emmeline can't throw a punch: I made his nose bleed and everything.

"No I did not punch him. Sort of the opposite actually."

They looked at each other blankly.

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously guys, do I have to spell it out?"

And then Lily got it. Her mouth fell open in shock and her eyes widened. "You didn't..." she whispered.

"She didn't what?" Remus still didn't understand and was looking from Lily to me in utter confusion. "Someone explain to me what's going on?"

"She slept with Sirius," Lily told him.

"I slept with Sirius," I repeated miserably.

There was a pause.

"Finally! Maybe now we'll get a moment's peace – he's been talking about you for _weeks_."

"What?!" said me and Lily together in disbelief.

Remus looked up and raised his eyebrows at my expression. "Oh come on. You're always fighting with him, never laughing at his jokes...we all want what we can't have right? Padfoot only worked it out a few weeks ago and he's been going on about it ever since."

"Sexual tension!" exclaimed Lily, as if it was the answer to everything.

"Course we all told him to get over it because you clearly weren't into him," Remus went on, destroying yet another of Lily's pawns and pocketing her change gleefully. "But last night, everyone was going after someone at the party –"

"Including you going after Marlene," Lily snorted.

"– and Padfoot disappeared. I actually thought he was off with Dorcas Meadowes, but it seems he was off with you instead."

"What was it like?" asked Lily excitedly. "Tell me everything. I've always wondered what it would be like– I mean, it's Sirius; he's had so much _experience_. Come on, spill."

"I can't remember," I muttered honestly. "I've tried to imagine it so many different ways I can't separate fiction from reality."

"Thank god for that," said Remus. "I'd really rather not hear details."

"If you're just saying that for Lupin's sake, we'll have words later," Lily told me warningly but I shook my head.

"It's the truth. And I second Remus: no details wanted or needed."

"This isn't going to spoil your friendship with him, is it?"

"It's not like we had much of a friendship to begin with."

"True," Lily agreed. "At least that's something you don't have to worry about."

"What you _do_ have to worry about is making sure he doesn't go back for seconds," Remus pointed out. "We've seen him go after girls, say it's over and then next thing you know you're finding their underwear in the shower. Not very classy."

"Once was quite enough," I assured him.

Their chess game decidedly over (Remus was undefeated Champion), the three of us went inside to warm up. The fire in the Great Hall was roaring when we came in, and the benches were scattered with students catching up on homework and eating lunch which me and Lily gratefully helped ourselves too. Remus took one look at the steak and kidney pie and said he had to go send an owl to his family. He's what we call an extreme vegetarian, in that he doesn't like being near anything remotely carnivorous. Lily always looks at him and nods as if she understands, but I'll be damned if I do; we didn't fight our way to the top of the food chain for nothing if you ask me.

We returned to the common room to find James, Sirius and Peter bent over a giant piece of parchment covered in little ink drawings that seemed to be moving around; as soon as they saw us, they packed it up hurriedly and shoved it away into James's bag. Very secretive.

The dormitory was empty except for Marlene who was lying on her bed writing a letter.

"Emmeline!" she practically barked when I came in. "Were you just with Remus?"

"Er yes, Marlene the dictator, I believe I was. Why?"

"Did he...say anything about me?"

I grinned. "I don't think so. Why would he?"

She groaned and rolled over onto her front. "We might have kissed last night at the party, and I know we were drunk and everything but it's not exactly the first time and...Merlin, do you think he's ever going to ask me out?"

"Why don't _you_ ask_ him_ out?"

"That's just a polite way of saying no."

"Well why not? We don't live in the middle ages; it's perfectly normal for a girl to ask a guy."

"I don't want to complicate our friendship."

"But...you would say yes if he asked you?"

"I wouldn't mind _him_ complicating our friendship."

"Look Marlene," I said at length. "If you want to go out with him, just ask him on a date. It's Remus Lupin; he's hardly going to say no. Tell him you're going to a book reading – he'll never leave you alone."

She laughed. "What would I do without you?"

I approved of Marlene and Remus. He was kind and gentle, if slightly addicted to magical and Muggle literature alike, while she was vivacious and outgoing. Perfect example of 'opposites attract'.

Not like me and Sirius. Perfect example of the lesser known mantra, 'opposites DON'T attract, at least they don't when one of them is an asshole'. I didn't want to think about what Remus had said earlier; if Black really had been planning the whole thing, it just made it ten times worse. No matter what anyone said, the underlying truth of the matter was that I had slept with him against my better judgement and there was no getting away from it. Sirius's little speech at the end of the match had come as a welcome surprise; all night I'd been worrying about the things he would spread round the school and to hear that he didn't plan on telling anyone was more than a relief. But even if no one was ever going to find out, Merlin: I was too caught up in the morals of the whole situation, let alone its public broadcast to the entire student body. I didn't even care if anyone else knew now – the fact that I knew was enough.

I wanted to go back and change everything. Too bad time turners cost 500 galleons, eh?

I was about to grab my jumper and return to the common room, when something caught my eye: a corner of parchment sticking out from under my pillow. Intrigued, I glanced around to check Marlene wasn't watching – she had returned to her letter – and pulled it out, unfolding it to reveal the text. It was the ripped-out front page of _Defence against Danger, _our sixth year Defence against the Dark Arts textbook. I blinked at it, confused. Why would someone leave this under my pillow? I flipped it over – and discovered that someone had scrawled something on the back.

I held it up to the light. The handwriting was messy, unfamiliar and barely legible, but I could just make out the message:

_**In case you were wondering, last night was sensational. Let's do it again some time.**_

It was signed with a paw print.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

"He's got a fan club."

"What?"

"A fan club. An actual fan club. He's got his own bloody FAN CLUB, Emmeline!" Lily seethed, thrusting a piece of parchment under my nose. "Why would he allow that? Why does he act like a prat _all the time_!?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because he's –"

"He doesn't need to be this thick. He's not stupid; he beat Amos Diggory in the potions final _and_ got a hundred percent on that Transfiguration homework. But my God, he's not afraid to show off about it!"

"He's always been like –"

"Look at him, swaggering along like he's invincible. He thinks he's so great doesn't he, thinks that every girl in the school is foaming at the mouth over that ridiculous hair cut. Do you know he hexed three second-years the other day? With a Stinging Jinx as well, something they don't even cover till third year so they didn't know how to fight back. What sort of pathetic moron does something like that –"

"Lily Evans! Would you please shut up for one minute?"

Lily stopped abruptly mid-rant and glared at me. Around us, the noise of students happy to be free of lessons for the weekend was almost drowning her out; Dung Fletcher (NOT my previous boyfriend, contrary to what a certain idiot publicly declared a few weeks ago on the Quidditch pitch. My mum is friends with his mum and they'd insisted that the four of us go to Diagon Alley for butterbeer last summer. Back me up here: it is so totally not the same as dating) had somehow managed to sneak a bowtruckle into the common room and it was causing havoc, much to the amusement of my fellow Gryffindors who were crowded around cheering it on as it shredded yet another tapestry with its teeth.  
We were sitting quietly by the fire – or rather, I'd been sitting quietly before I'd been rudely disturbed by my enraged best friend clutching a crumpled piece of bright pink parchment in her fist that she was waving about as if she'd just won the Muggle lottery. All I wanted to do was finish chapter seven of _A Guide to the Twelve Elixirs_ before Potions tomorrow, but it appeared that I was needed to listen to Lily's emotional outpourings instead. Unbelievable. And to think! I'd actually thought she was coming round to _liking_ James Potter.

I looked her in the eye. "Firstly, it's no shocker that he's got a fan club. Half the school's been drooling over that boy for the last year since he got that 'ridiculous haircut' as you put it. Secondly, I wouldn't feel too threatened if I were you – it's probably a bunch of third-year Hufflepuffs that just hit puberty. Thirdly, yes, James is a prat who callously bullies younger pupils to make himself look good. Oh and this just in: he's not going to change. And fourthly, would you mind talking to Marlene about this? I really need to finish chapter seven before Slughorn personally crushes my ego in Potions tomorrow."

"Ok first: they shouldn't be. Is he something special? No. Is he attractive? Ok, maybe. Does he deserve a fan club? Definitely not. Second: I am not threatened by them. I'm threatening _you_ now – say that again and I'll hex you. Third: what planet do you think I'm on that I wouldn't already know that, and fourth: no, Marlene's off with Lupin. Again."

"Right, firstly – no, actually, forget that. Look Lily, I can only do so much straight talking. You have to actually start listening."

I watched her slump against the sofa and sink slowly to ground. "He's an idiot," she said miserably.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"And...I can't help getting annoyed at him all the time."

"Right again."

At that point, I spotted the man himself sitting on his own in one of the armchairs by the portrait hole. James had never looked so tired; there were huge bags under his eyes, his hair was limp and had lost its usual shine and he kept nodding off before hitting his head on the desk in front of him and consequently waking himself up. He was trying to finish the Charms homework but, judging by his less than dapper appearance, his detention with Filch last night combined with the early morning Quidditch practise had just about finished the poor lad off. Sorry Potter, but you'll find no sympathy here: I had to dragged out of bed by the ankles for that particular training session, and yes, Captain, I do hold a grudge.

It had been almost a month since I had slept with Sirius. Just take a minute to imagine that. A whole month of taunting, teasing, disgusting innuendo and the notes! That first one had been bad enough but I, like a fool, had written him a scathing reply telling him to go shove his toad in some other witch's pond – that did not have the desired effect. The following week, I started receiving about three notes a day, all left under my pillow ( I dread to think how he sneaked up there – it's locked during classes and only opened when we got to bed at night). I had tried everything; death threats, black mail, the silent treatment...I even spread a rumour round that he was sleeping with the teachers to get good grades. That had seriously backfired and had apparently increased his sex appeal tenfold; there were female fifth years practically scrambling over each other in the Quidditch stands to get a look at him on a broomstick. I honestly cannot tell you why; the guy's not at all attractive once you've found out he's a conceited evil sick-minded little git. Let me tell you, it completely ruins the eye candy.

Lily had spotted James too, and the panic on her face was almost laughable. "Emmeline!" she hissed. "James is over there. Did you hear me? James! James Potter!" I went back to my book. "Oh god, what do I do? What if he – he's seen me. Merlin, he's seen me. CURSE me, do it now. Forgivable or unforgivable, I don't even care. Please just _kill_ me! Quick, before he comes over here and starts – oh, hey Potter."

James had come wandering over with a timid wave at Lily, looking like he might pass out at her feet any second. Lily raised her eyebrows expectantly as if she knew what was coming, and pulled herself up to her full height. She still wasn't very tall, but I wouldn't have told her that.

"Hi Lily. How are you?" He was met with stony silence. "I was thinking..." here it comes, I thought grimly. "Maybe you and me could go into Hogsmeade at the weekend? I know you've been really busy," he added hastily. "And you've probably got better things to do, but I'd really like to...just hang out with you more and..." He trailed off at the thunderous look on Lily's face.

She looked like she was going to say something cutting to him, but she just shut her mouth and walked away without a word.

After a moment's pause, I patted James on the shoulder. "I think she might've heard about the fan club."

"Oh, Merlin," he moaned, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know how to stop them. They're all over me! I'm scared to walk down a corridor in case I get attacked."

"Why don't you just threaten them? They've seen you hex Slytherins countless times."

"Can't. McGonagall's got my wand till Friday. We accidently put a Sticking Charm on Malfoy while he was on the loo."

"Accidently. Right."

"It wouldn't work anyway. You've got no idea the sort of weapons they're using to get to me." The poor boy looked genuinely terrified – you'd think he was talking about the Deatheaters. "By the way, you haven't seen the others around, have you? Wormtail's got detention but Moony said we'd all meet back here. Merlin help them if they've run off: Black still owes me for getting out of detention last night." Jeez, he was obviously pissed off then – he only called Sirius 'Black' if something was really up.

"I heard Lupin and McKinnon are at it again, but I haven't seen Sirius. Maybe he fell in the Black Lake last night and was devoured by the Giant Squid," I muttered. It was unlucky for him that we were currently learning about the Unforgivables: he'd make a great test subject for number 3. Maybe then I could actually return to my dorm and not find some low reminder about our night of shenanigans stuffed under my pillow, as if that was too much to ask.

James gave me a look. "What's got into you recently?" he asked shrewdly. "You weren't laughing yesterday when we turned Mrs Norris into a pig, or the other day when Padfoot threw that paper dragon through Binns's head and he didn't notice."

"Half the class wasn't laughing," I snapped. "He thinks he's so funny by winding up the teachers but the reality is everyone thinks he's an arrogant asshole."

"You sound like Lily talking about me," said James gloomily, picking at the fabric of the armchair. "This whole fan club thing's ruined anything we could've had. She's never going to talk to me again."

Secretly, I thought Lily was being a tad childish. She knew it wasn't James's fault that he was being pursued by a giant pack of screaming girls. Hell, it had always been like this; on day one in first-year when the Marauders had first met, everyone could tell they were the ones to watch. James with his black hair swept back off his forehead and his infectious twinkling smile; Remus Lupin's quiet understanding hidden beneath masses of freckles and sandy hair; the bellowing laugh and fierce loyalty of Peter Pettigrew, who was happy not to be the centre of attention but the one that you could count on; and Sirius. Sparkling eyes the colour of the ocean, messy dark hair, not afraid to stand up to the Slytherins and hex them back when it came to it, full of casually-delivered witty one-liners that he shot at teachers in class...it was clear this boy was going to be downright popular in Gryffindor Tower.

Did I just spend _a whole sentence_ complimenting Sirius Black? Emmeline, you traitorous cow. This is the guy that's been verbally torturing you worse than he ever has with a Slytherin for the last three weeks! Try and stay in the room, girl.

The common room was clearly no place to study Potions – one couldn't even bag a quiet place by the fire before being insolently disturbed by her quarrelling peers. I glanced out of the window longingly; the evening sun was sinking into the mountains, staining the sky a deep pink flecked with the pinpricks of the first stars. The drizzle of the last week had subsided and the trees glowed green in the fading light, the ground soft and revitalised after the days of rainfall. It looked wonderfully quiet. No students shouting, no strange creature made of twigs causing a riot, no teenage problems that needed me to solve them. Well, at least it was for academic purposes, I told myself. Not coz I was sick of my friends's arguing and couldn't be bothered to listen to their dilemmas...

I packed up my books and slung my bag over my shoulder with a fleeting look at James. He was still staring into the distance, no doubt picturing the messy-haired angel-faced children he and Lily would one day produce. Privately thinking he would be waiting a very long time to father my best friend's babies, I left him to it and made my way out the portrait hole without a backwards glance.

Outside, the air was sharp and cold in contrast with the stuffy common room. Glancing down at myself, I wished I'd brought a jacket – I was wearing a thin vest and some worn out jeans that had holes in the knees, letting the freezing wind bite at my skin. I shivered and hugged myself before settling down under a tree next to the Quidditch pitch and pulling out my book, ready for some hardcore revision.

At least, that was the plan.

Suddenly, I heard raised voices coming from the broomshed.

"You told him?!"

"No! Of course not! Well...I might've let it slip where the nicknames actually came from but he was bound to find out anyway, there was nothing I could do. You've got to believe me, Moony!"

Moony?

And with a jolt, I recognised the voices: it was Sirius and Lupin. Curiosity aroused, I abandoned my book and crept over to the shed, flattening myself against the wall so I could hear better. I know what you're thinking; eavesdropping is rude, intrusive and can prove dangerous. But the famous Marauders were fighting? This was unheard of, and rude isn't exactly a word that I've never been associated with before – sue me.

"This isn't your secret, Sirius. You have no idea what it's like." Lupin's voice was icy.

There was a loud thud and I felt the wall shudder as if someone had kicked it in frustration.

"You've been saying that for the last six years!" said Sirius angrily. "Sure, it's pretty bad for you but other people have problems too, you know."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were in such trouble. I would say I could help you out tonight but unfortunately I've got other arrangements," Lupin snapped.

"We've stood by you; all three of us have for all this time!"

"Do you realise what's going to happen if he goes to Dumbledore? The parents would go mad: he'd have no choice but to expel me. It's exactly the same as what you did to Snape last year – you just can't keep your mouth shut can you?"

"It wasn't like that! I didn't tell him anything _directly_!"

There was a silence. My mind was racing; what in Merlin's name were they talking about?!

"You all enjoy it," said Remus through gritted teeth. "You all look forward to sneaking out once a month like it's some sort of holiday. You don't know what I go through. You're not there when I wake up in the Shack the next morning, covered in blood. Half the time I don't even know if it's my own blood, don't know who I've injured or murdered or bitten." I heard him swallow and the pain in his voice made my heart beat faster. "You don't get it. If people find out about this, then that's it. I'm out of here."

"Moony, I didn't mean –"

"See you back in the common room." I heard the door swing open and then slam shut, leaving Sirius alone inside.

Heart pounding, I scrambled back up the hill to the tree where I'd left my bag. What the bloody hell was that all about?! Looking back, I must've been a complete idiot not to understand, but right then I was as clueless as if I'd just overheard some Muggles talking about the postal system. What had Sirius meant by 'all three of us have stood by you for all this time'? Stood by him in _what_? Maybe Lupin was secretly an inspector from the Ministry and Sirius had found out about it. But that didn't explain the bit about waking up covered in blood. I had absolutely no idea what I'd just heard but I could tell that whatever it was, it didn't sound too good.

I grabbed my stuff and was just about to leg it back up to the castle when I heard an all-too-familiar shout from behind me.

"Vance!"

Oh, rats. Sirius. I pretended I hadn't heard and began to run towards the castle, before I heard him call out again.

"Emmeline Vance! I know you can hear me! Oh for Merlin's sake, don't make me do this. Really? You're just gonna keep running? Have it your way – Locomotor Mortis!"

All of a sudden, my legs bound together as if with an invisible lasso and, with a small scream, I was sent sprawling to the ground. I lay face down, my hair strewn and tangled in the dirt – I couldn't even turn round to slap his sickening face as he closed the distance I'd been trying to extend between us and stood beside me. I may not have been able to see him, but the anger and humiliation at being hexed from behind and landing face down in a pile of mud was enough to incense me without the added bonus of being able to see the person I was about to hurl insults at.

"How _dare _you hex me!" I yelled, my voice muffled by the grass. "How dare you! What sort of pathetic coward would –" My next words were lost as I spat out mud. "You'd better start running Black or I'll Crucio you so hard you won't even remember your own filthy name!"

"Oh yeah?" he challenged. "Good luck doing that without a wand." I glanced up, straining my neck in the process, to catch a brief glimpse of him grinning wolfishly, both his and my wand stuffed in his back pocket.

"Take the curse off _now_."

"No. I think I'll leave you out here all night. Might actually do you some good – it'll teach you to be a bit friendlier towards your peers unless you want to end up savaged by werewolves."

I knew this was never going to happen but I still felt a twinge of fear. "You wouldn't."

"Maybe if you said you were sorry and you admitted that you've been a horrible bitch since you threw yourself at me three weeks ago, I'd take the curse off."  
I still couldn't see him but I could hear the amusement he was getting from this; I tried to twist myself round but my legs were still locked together. Shame it wasn't my arms really – Crucio's all very well, but a well-placed kick would have the same effect and not land me in Azkaban. Although, it might've landed me in detention.

"Come on, Emmeline. I wouldn't recommend staying out here – me and Remus heard screams coming from the Forbidden Forest."

Jackpot. Bullseye. Eureka. "And what were you and Remus doing out here anyway?" I said conversationally. "Not having a fight or anything, I hope?"

Sirius's reaction wouldn't have been better if I had kneed him in the balls. "What?"

"You heard. Take the hex off me."

I was starting to get a bit panicky. Sirius is actually really good at curses (I've seen him practise them on the Slytherins more than enough times) and winding him up now was probably not my best angle. That being said, stretched out in the mud with my legs bound together and my hair matted into my eyes was not my best angle either. At that moment, he looked as if he could actually kill me. There was a wild glint in his eyes, his teeth were bared in a distinctly canine fashion and he was reaching for his wand.

To my surprise, instead of ending it all with a quick A-K, he muttered the counter curse. I felt feeling rush back to my legs and I scrambled up to face him, brushing myself down and pushing my hair back off my face. Neither of us said anything for a good minute and a half.

"Did you hear everything?" said Sirius finally. I'd never heard him sound like that before; crushed, miserable even.

Remembering the sting in Remus's voice, I suddenly wanted to lie and say that no, I hadn't heard anything and his secret, whatever it was, was safe. But curiosity got the better of me and instead of doing the nice thing, I nodded slowly and answered him with just one of the questions that were burning in my head. "What did Lupin mean when he said he woke up in... in the Shack, covered in blood?"

He looked at me like I was stupid. "You don't know," he said, more to himself than me. "You don't know. You heard it alright but..." He looked up at me, a slightly manic smile spreading across his face. "_You don't know_."

"Sirius!" I shouted after him as he began to walk back to the castle. "Tell me what's going on!"

He turned back. "Stay out of it, Emmeline. It's Lupin's secret, not mine."

And with that, he gave me a last haunting look and strode away.

**A/N sorry I've taken so long to update - I hope you agree, this chapter was worth waiting for :) Now Emmeline's overheard that little conversation, she's going to do all she can to find out the truth. Hope you enjoyed chapter 4 - now review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

At Hogwarts, days pass quickly.

The workload had peaked by the end of the first term and many of my fellow classmates were at breaking point: the Christmas holidays, which had before seemed like a distant beacon of hope amongst the weeks of hard studying, became less of a well-deserved break and more of a fourteen-day lesson in revision. Hardly anyone in sixth year was leaving, as leaving meant waving goodbye to the library and the overwhelming quantity of knowledge that could be found there in the heavy books and tomes that lined the shelves. I spent the majority of my time squashed around a table with Marlene, Lily, Dorcas, Saoirse, Frank and Remus, willing my brain to take in the words on the pages in front of me.

Out of my somewhat haphazard study group, Lily was by far the most motivated. She would turn up to revision sessions every day with her hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail, eyes bright and Prefect badge gleaming from the front of her robes. The rest of us were more reluctant to devote our time to studying; Remus, who looked worn out at the best of times, nodded off in almost every class, Dorcas and Marlene spent most of the time bickering for lack of anything else to do and Frank's margins were so cramped with doodles that you couldn't even make out the lines on the page. Saoirse hardly turned up anymore: hanging out with a group of proud Gryffindors was made uncomfortable by the fact that she was still seeing Rosier. As for me, I was the world's worst procrastinator. It's not that I was incapable of writing flawless essays; I just wasn't born studious. No matter how many times Lily reminded me or dropped 'subtle hints' – by that I mean leaving several sheets of parchment on my bed with the title and date already written out – I couldn't make myself sit down and concentrate; life's too full of distractions.

And on top of all that, I still couldn't forget about Sirius.

"Do we have to know where the charm originated from?" said Frank, flicking unenthusiastically through the pages of a thick leather-bound spell book. "It's Latin, isn't it?"

"We only have to know the date it was first developed. It's in _The Standard_, Grade 4." Lily grabbed another book from the teetering pile in the middle of the table and pushed it towards Frank.

Dorcas leaned over Marlene to get a better look at the page and accidently-on-purpose elbowed her in the ribs.

"Ow! What was that for? Why are you always trying to pick a fight?"

"Oh please," said Dorcas hotly. "You're the one who wrote 'I think Dumbledore is a sex god' all over my textbook. Which he _saw,_ by the way."

"Well I'm sorry if my ribcage got in the way of your elbow but-"

"Pack it in," said Remus, recognising the telltale signs of a potential fight and raising his head from where it had been resting on his arms to glare at them both. "You can't say anything without jumping down each other's throats. I'm getting sick of it."

"Hear hear," Frank muttered.

Lily slammed the book shut with much more force than was necessary, making us all jump. "Can we please try and get back to Charms? We've been sitting here for three hours and so far, all I've learnt is that I should be taking this Prefect thing more seriously and organising equipment checks to make sure people haven't got inappropriate declarations of lust written all over their textbooks." Dorcas scowled at her. "Come on guys. We've got one week left until Christmas, and we won't get anything done after that because we'll have mock papers. Can we try and concentrate please?"

She was looking pointedly at Marlene and Dorcas, who both looked sheepish and looked down at their books. "Right," said Lily brightly, rubbing her hands together in evil joy and brandishing her quill. "Time to go over the development of Hover Charms."

"No, we did Hover Charms last week," said Frank without looking up from his drawing. "You said we were gonna do Cheering Charms today."

"I'm not studying those, they weren't on the revision list," said Marlene airily, waving a sheet of parchment in the air.

"Not everyone's been memorising each and every bit of paper that we're given in the hope it'll actually make a difference," smirked Dorcas.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Face it, McKinnon. You're a lost cause."

"Right that's it! You can't expect me to sit here and _work_ with this cow –"

"Don't call her a cow!" said Lily, affronted. "We're supposed to be studying, not arguing with each other!"

"I can't help it if she constantly insults me! Let's have a group vote: who thinks we should kick Meadowes out of the group?"

"Can we kick you _both_ out of the group?" muttered Frank.

I moaned and buried my head in my hands as Dorcas and Marlene lapsed into bickering again and Lily desperately tried to regain order, shouting over Remus's complaints that we were working from the wrong textbook.

My mind drifted and I let my eyelids droop shut. The stuffy candlelit corner of the library and my friends' angry faces faded away and were replaced with the soft feel of a duvet, the cool breeze from an open window...Sirius's lips moving against mine.

I sat up with a jolt. Stop it, snapped a familiar voice inside my head. That was weeks ago. You hate him. You regret it ever happened. You sure as hell _do not ever want to go there again_.

Maybe I should get that simple statement tattooed across my forehead, I thought miserably, picking at an empty packet of Droobles. It was true that I hated Sirius, and I regretted what had happened more than anything else. Sirius had slept with so many girls; it made me feel a bit sick to know that I was now just another notch in his bedpost. But did I want to go there again?

Of course you don't, said the voice exasperatedly; where've you been for the last month, Emmeline?!

But that one kiss, that one completely out of the blue and yet startlingly passionate kiss, had begun to haunt me. Whenever I saw Sirius now, my lips began to burn as if I was kissing fire and my heart began to beat faster than a Snitch's wings. I had dreamt about him too: I was drowning in the Black Lake and sinking down fast, when I felt someone's arms pulling me to safety and, glancing up, discovered it was a merman Sirius, shirtless and flicking his long green tail around to keep him afloat. Weird, I know. The first time I had that dream, I panicked and went to the hospital wing, sure that something was very, very wrong with me. Then, the next night, I had it again. And again the night after that. Four weeks since the night that I had slept with Sirius, I was still having dreams about him. How pathetic can you get?

It was the loud bang of the door and the shout of "The library?! Seriously?!" that brought me sharply out my daydream. Dorcas and Marlene stopped fighting abruptly and glanced up; leaning against the bookshelf to our right was James Potter, closely followed by Peter. A few seconds later, Sirius appeared.

"So_ this_ is where the nerds hang out," James grinned, pushing Frank off his chair and taking his seat. "We've been looking for you all day," he shot at Remus, who was looking around at the rest of us almost apologetically for bringing this rude intrusion into our work session. However, the only person who looked aggrieved was Lily, who was still feeling frosty towards James after the whole fan club debacle and suddenly become very interested in her nails. Dorcas and Marlene looked glad of the interruption; Dorcas happily gave up her seat to Peter and Marlene was looking keenly at Sirius, who ran a hand through his hair and winked at her. He was wearing black jeans and a Quidditch jersey, and there was snow in his hair from outside. His eyes flicked to me, and I glanced down hurriedly, feeling my lips prickle.

Remus glanced at James. "You were looking for me? Why?"

"Four days left," said Peter meaningfully, nodding at the calendar on the opposite wall. "We need to have a plan this time."

Remus grimaced. "Not here," he muttered, pulling a pile of textbooks towards him.

I sat up. Could this be Remus's secret?

"Since when did you get so uptight?" said James lazily. "Don't try and pull this 'No one understands me' crap. Last time you said 'let's plan', so let's plan."

"What are you talking about?" said Lily, eyes narrowed over the top of _Incantations at Advanced Abilities. _

"Nothing, Evans, nothing."

"I don't want to talk about it in the library," said Remus quietly.

"Then let's get out of here. I hate this place anyway; that hag of a librarian glares at me if I put one finger on a single one of her precious books."

Remus shoved his work away into his bag and pushed his chair back from the table. "See you later," he shot at Frank, who was still sitting on the floor. "Lily, Marlene, Dorcas." He nodded at them each in turn and then smiled at me. "Bye, Emmeline." I smiled back.

As the four of them left, I glanced after Sirius_ - not_ to check him out, for which Marlene was setting an all-too blatant example of. Just as he reached the door, he turned back and looked straight at me. For a moment, our eyes locked. My stomach turned over and my heart skipped a beat. The room suddenly felt stiflingly hot. I saw him open his mouth slightly, as if he was going to say something.

And then the moment passed. He smirked, and was gone.

But my heart was now racing. I grabbed my books, threw them into my bag and stood up, all in under five seconds. "I've got to go too," I sighed, with mock tragedy. "I have a detention with Binns. I...forgot to do that essay on goblin wars."

The others looked at me reproachfully. Lily was about to open her mouth to give me yet another lecture on the dangers of failing to complete homework but I patted her on the head and walked out before she had the chance. Cunning...maybe I should have been in Slytherin.

I was not leaving because of the look between me and Sirius. Nor was I leaving because I couldn't stand to sit through another hour of revision, although truthfully I don't think I could've held on for much longer. I was leaving because I wanted to find out the truth, and I had a hunch that Remus, who had been so reluctant to spill his secrets in front of us, was about to divulge all to his Marauder pals.

I would've done an evil cackle had my study buddies not still been in earshot. Time to drop some eaves.

I wrenched open the double doors of the library and looked around; the dark chamber around me was deserted. I racked my brains to try and think where they could've gone: not the common room, which would be too conspicuous on a Saturday afternoon; not their dormitory either, as it was Cleaning Day for the house elves. I was just about to turn tail and make my way down to the Quidditch pitch, when I heard voices coming from the corridor on my left.

"Did you see the look on Evans's face?" That was Pettigrew. Bullseye. I crept along the empty corridor until I came to the foot of the great floating staircase, and peered up it into the candlelit gloom. Nothing. But the voices were louder and closer now, and I heard Sirius's sharp bark of laughter.

"That was nothing. It's Vance you've got to watch out for."

I swore at him under my breath, moving stealthily up the dark stairs towards them and keeping to the shadows.

"Vance?" Peter's voice again. "No, she's not the suspicious kind. I bet she hasn't even figured out what the nicknames mean yet."

"Don't underestimate her," said Sirius darkly. I could hear the trepidation in his voice as he was no doubt recalling the countless times I had pestered him about the argument between him and Remus, and I sniggered to myself.

"Come on, you lot." It was James that spoke up this time. I heard a mutter of 'Alohamora' and the click of a lock, closely followed by the sound of their footsteps trooping into a classroom and a door slamming behind them. I sprinted up the rest of the stairs and stopped outside the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom they had just entered, my heart racing. What now? Did I really want to hear what was going on? Accidently learning about this in the first place had put me through enough frustration as it was: what if this turned out to be even more unhealthy? Maybe I should just turn around and head back to the library.

I glanced around calculatingly at the shadowy staircase, before turning back to the door with a grimace of determination. I was going to hear this out. I had been through enough guesswork over the past few weeks not to finally find out the truth, and to hell if I was going to pass up on an opportunity as perfect as this one. I pressed my ear to the door and listened hard.

"-could be dangerous anyway," I heard Remus saying. Someone – I think it was James – sighed deeply.

"What you can't seem to get into your head, Moony, is that the danger is the best part. Do you think we come out with you to keep you safe or something? We do it because it's fun, mate."

"Not to mention we're trying to save you from a night of self-torture," added Sirius.

"But last time you almost got yourself killed. I don't want any of you dead or to get into serious trouble because of me."

"Come off it, Moony."

"If we didn't get into some serious trouble every now and again, they'd forget who we are," said James matter-of-factly. "And the map's nearly complete! I'm not leaving it half finished just because you're having insecurity issues. We're all going out on Sunday, whether you like it or not."

When Remus spoke, I could hear the smile in his voice. "I really can't stop you?"

"Not even if you really wanted to. Now, are we going to plan or not? I've got a detention in half an hour."

I pressed my ear closer to the door eagerly. Most of what they had said already had completely gone over my head: dangerous? Self-torture? Map? So far, I was utterly clueless.

Then Remus said something that changed everything.

"You actually make it bearable, being a werewolf."

I covered my mouth with my hands to stop myself crying out in surprise. My heart stopped for a second, then began to beat faster than ever.

A _werewolf_?! Remus Lupin, a werewolf?! And then everything began to fall into place in my mind, like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. His nickname Moony...why he always made mysterious trips up to the hospital wing...why he looked constantly tired and had scars all over his face...his extreme vegetarian diet. It all made sense! But...I couldn't quite believe it. There's a sickening shock realisation that you go through when you've known someone for six years and find out that, really, you haven't known them at all. Suddenly I felt angry, angry with my friend for not trusting me enough to tell me. If he could tell Sirius Black, who couldn't even keep the names of the girls he'd shagged to himself, let alone something important like this, then he could've had faith in me! Why wouldn't he trust me? But my anger faded...would I have told anyone, had it been me? Probably not. It was a secret that couldn't get out – I guessed that Dumbledore had had to pull some strings as it was to get Remus into the school and if the parents found out about it, he would surely be on the train home. It pains me to admit it but a small part of me was frightened too: I had been talking, eating, sitting, hanging out with a werewolf for the past six years and known nothing about it. And werewolves, as we were told as kids, were dangerous.

But then I thought of Remus Lupin, kind caring Remus who helped me with Charms homework and beat everyone at Chess, and knew that the last thing I should be was scared. He was my friend.

Suddenly realising I had been missing the rest of the conversation, I pressed my ear up against the door again, eager to hear more. But no one was talking. Instead, I heard someone's footsteps walking towards the door and suddenly, the handle below me was beginning to turn. Shit.

I leapt to my feet and was about to make a dash for it down the staircase when the door swung open. Sirius stood before me, his eyes wide at first with shock and then slowly narrowing as he realised what I'd been doing. Seconds ticked by. I stood there, frozen to the spot, very aware that I had just been caught eavesdropping on what was a very private and secret conversation.

James's voice, drifting from inside the classroom, broke the unbearable silence.

"Is there anyone there, Padfoot?"

I was about to open my mouth to apologise when Sirius cut across me, his eyes still locked on mine. "No, there's no one. It was probably Mrs Norris. I'm gonna go check down the hall though in case Filch is sneaking about."

"Ok. See you back in the common room."

Sirius shut the door firmly behind him and continued to stare at me. I didn't know what to say, so just stood there, wondering what was going to happen next, inwardly cursing my stupid curiosity. I should've just gone back to the library while I had the chance. I suddenly realised that I didn't have my wand with me either, while I could distinctly see Black's sticking out of the pocket of his jeans. Here I was, having been caught red-handed at the scene of the crime, without an excuse and without a wand. Oh Merlin.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" said Sirius suddenly, and his voice was hard and cold. For the first time, I noticed how much taller than me he was; stood like that with his arms folded and glaring down at me fiercely, he was almost frightening. I took an instinctive step back.

"Nothing's wrong with me," I said after a minute, disgusted at how quavering my voice sounded. "I just...I needed to know the truth."

"Well I hope you're happy now." You could've cut the tension between us with a knife. For the first time in a month, I looked at him and my lips didn't grow hot or my heart begin to beat faster. On the contrary, my heart had jumped into my throat and his stare was like a cold shower, chilling me to the bone.

"Sirius, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was something like that. I thought it was just a joke, or a prank you guys were planning to do."

Sirius looked away. "You should've just left it," he said bitterly. "I told you it wasn't any of your business. It's his secret and if he doesn't want you to know, then you shouldn't know. Now you're just going to go spread it round the girls and before long the whole of Gryffindor will -"

"Now wait just one second," I said angrily, my voice rising. "You think I would do that? You think I would go and _tell_ everyone a secret like this?"

"Not here," he hissed, grabbing my arm and pulling me further down the empty corridor. It was so dark I could barely make out his face, but still he dragged us further into the shadows until I couldn't make out the glimmering candlelight at the top of the stairs and we were surrounded by darkness. I noticed that he still hadn't let go of my arm.

"It doesn't matter even if you take it to your grave, Vance. You think you can just sneak up and listen in on that sort of private conversation?" he said murderously, his nails gripping my flesh. "Why do you feel it's your duty to pry into everyone's business when it's _got_ _absolutely nothing to do with you?_"

I glared up at him. "What I did was wrong, I get it. I know it's a secret, and I'm sorry I found out about it if it's so important. But, I can't help wondering why you're losing it with me when actually, it's_ got_ _nothing to do with you either_."

In the gloom, Sirius's eyes were like angry flames. "Maybe the fact that he chose to tell me what was going on!" he snarled, backing me into a corner. "Maybe that makes it something to do with me! He didn't trust you. You're not supposed to know." I felt my back hit the wall. "You know what? I can't believe I slept with someone as pathetic as you. I must've been out of my mind."

We were now so close I could feel his breath on my face. His hand was still gripped around my arm and his eyes were fixed on mine. I could feel his heat beating.

"Well that makes the feeling mutual," I spat. "You know how much that tore me up? I didn't sleep for weeks knowing I'd done it with you. I don't do that, Sirius. That's not who I am! It's alright for you; you do it five times a week with a different girl each day." All the anger and regret I had been storing up for the last month poured out of me, and in that moment I felt like I could breathe fire. "You're used to waking up next to strangers and accepting the fact that you spent the last night shagging them. You don't care about labels or morals or what effect it might have on the other person! It's been a month and all you've done is made fun of me." A tear rolled out of my right eye but I brushed it away furiously. "You're an asshole. And I wish none of it had happened."

For a moment, neither of us spoke. I couldn't see his whole face but his eyes were no longer slits of fire, but wide and shocked. He was still gripping my arm, but he seemed to have forgotten.

And suddenly, pressed up against the wall with Sirius's face inches from mine, a mad urge to kiss him flared through my veins. I wanted him, wanted to run my fingers through his hair and pull him closer to me, wanted him to say my name and kiss me back.

And then the moment passed. He dropped my arm as if I had burnt him and stepped backwards away from me until he was flat against the opposite wall. "I'm...I'm sorry," he said shakily, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to...go crazy like that. I can't control myself sometimes."

I stood there, breathing hard as if I'd just been running, and looked down at my feet in embarrassment as my lips began to prickle.

"It's all my fault. I shouldn't have been spying on you guys in the first place. I'm so sorry."

I felt him move in the darkness and looked up. He was close to me again, but not threateningly so; he was looking at me in a way which was all too familiar.

I'm not sure who kissed who. I don't even know how I ended up backed up against the wall again with Sirius holding me there. All I know is that a second later, his arms were tight around my waist, his knee was pushed up between my legs and we were kissing as if the world was about to end and we were the last human beings left on Earth.

Slut, muttered the little voice in my head.

**A/N it's been way too long since I updated, so I hope you enjoyed chapter 5. Chapter 6 will follow directly on from this scene and I should be uploading it very soon. Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

I couldn't remember ever being that close to Sirius Black.

Sure, I knew we'd slept together, but that was a hazy blur that I couldn't recall the details of. Right there, halfway down a pitch-black deserted second-floor corridor, pressed flush up against the wall with Sirius's arms around my waist and my arms around his neck, I felt like something had exploded inside me. I wasn't drunk; I wasn't being made to do this; hell, I wasn't even doing it for a bet. I was doing it because I wanted to, because in that fierce moment, my mind felt like dragon fire; hot, bright and reckless, ready to act on an impulse I didn't understand or want to control. It was as if all my senses had been sharpened. I could feel Sirius's lips on mine, his fingers up the back of my shirt, his hot breath on my skin, his hand tangled in my hair and strangely, it was all perfect. "This is so unlike you," he smirked against my lips. I laughed and kissed him harder, wishing for everything to be this electric.

We'd been making out for a good fifteen minutes before my conscience caught up with me.

Back up one second, said a smug little voice. Don't start having too much fun. You've been killing yourself for weeks over the simple fact that you'd given in to this guy once before, and here you are, happily skipping down the same fatal path, ready to repeat the same naive blunder all because of some twisted hormonal instinct that probably has more to do with PMS than anything else.  
This was a mistake, a huge fat colossal mistake, I realised with a jolt. What was I thinking?! This was Sirius Black, member of the Marauders, infamous player and downright jackass. Just because I'd had a few dreams about him and blushed whenever I saw him coming didn't suddenly make him decent! I suddenly felt crowded by his proximity and pulled back sharply.

Sirius opened his eyes and stared at me in confusion. "Problem?" he said.

I didn't know what to say. Ten seconds ago, I had wanted him to pull me closer, whisper my name in my ear and kiss me hard until we were both out of breath. Now I just wanted to shove him off me. I was suddenly very conscious of his knee which had stopped pushing my legs apart and was now resting between my thighs.

"Yeah...problem," I muttered, unhooking my arms from around his neck and turning my face away from his slightly.

He blinked at me, clearly completely mystified. "What's the matter, Vance?"

His use of my surname drove me over the edge and, before I knew it, the hatred and anger I had felt before came bubbling up to the surface.  
"What do you thinks' the matter, Black?!" I snapped. "I'm betraying myself, and not for the first time either. I don't know how many people you're shagging and yet here I am, acting like one of those girls you get off with on the Astronomy Tower!"

"Stop shouting," he said coolly, letting me go and taking several steps back. "If the others come out and find you, I'll have no choice but to tell them what you were doing here in the first place."

The idea of kissing him now was nauseating, and I felt sick just knowing that he'd had his tongue down my throat not two minutes ago. "What's wrong with me?" I muttered to myself, echoing his words from earlier. "Why do I never learn?"

"You're a girl," said Sirius. I looked up at him and was shocked to find that he was grinning broadly, obviously finding the whole thing hilarious. He ran a hand through his hair (something I'd already done for him when we were making out) and winked. "It's not my fault you keep throwing yourself at me."

I wanted to slap him, and would've done if I'd brought my wand – but slapping Sirius Black would no doubt result in a nasty hex promptly fired my way and I had nothing magical to retaliate with. "I have never, and will never, throw myself at you," I said through clenched teeth, pulling my shirt down. "You are a disgusting lowdown conniving asshole."

Sirius scowled at me. "For Merlin's sake, would you stop taking everything so seriously? You get so caught up in the morals of everything, or if you've _ruined_ yourself or _betrayed_ yourself or let yourself down, that you forget to live. Life's short. If you really care that much, I suggest you take some lessons in self-restraint because, whether you can admit it or not, you enjoyed every second of that and I bet if you told your conscience to piss off, you'd realise that actually, you damn well want more. So just cut it out with all the mixed signals and give me a straight answer: is this what you want or not?"

There was a pause. I was still seething from what I had let myself do but Sirius's speech was racing through my mind and ticking a lot of empty boxes. He was right: kissing him was exhilarating and wild and passionate and dangerous all at the same time, and yes, I wanted more. I opened my mouth to reply – before realising that it wasn't good enough just to shut out the basic principles of life to give in to my pathetic teenage hormones, no matter how good a kisser he was. I was Emmeline Vance and I would not follow in the footsteps of the majority of the female Gryffindors and fall flat at Sirius's feet. I was better than that.

But damn if I wasn't attracted to him.

I stared at him, completely torn, panting slightly from my angry outburst and frantically wondering what to do. He folded his arms and stared back with a mixture of impatience and bemusement on his face. The seconds ticked by.

And then something snapped in my head and I suddenly had to get out. I turned tail and ran back down the corridor as fast as I could, desperate to get away from the unbearable tension between us and the weight of expectation that had been pressing so heavily on my shoulders. The darkness around me was blinding and I couldn't even see where I was going but in that second I needed to escape and I didn't care where I was going as long as it was away from Sirius Black. Damn him and his ultimatums!  
I reached the end of the corridor and leaned against the wall, breathless. I thought I saw him coming out of the dark and I backed away towards the stairs, ready to make a run for it if he tried to reason with me. But it was only Mrs Norris, who emerged out of the gloom and gazed in my direction through huge orange eyes. I gave her a weak smile and dashed down the stairs, hoping bitterly that Filch would follow his mangy old cat and give Sirius detention.

I didn't stop running until I was outside the Gryffindor common room, whereupon I collapsed on the stone floor with a burning stitch, cheeks flushed and panting hard. People drifted past me, all looking suspiciously well-dressed. The Fat Lady looked down at me disapprovingly.

"Training for a marathon, dear?" she asked, flicking a speck of dust from her ball gown. "I'd stick to Quidditch if I were you. It's more widely enjoyed, not to mention it doesn't turn your face that unpleasant shade of crimson."

"Hinkypunk," I choked out, one hand clasped to my stitch – seriously, if you've never full-out sprinted from the second-floor corridor to the common room, you've never experienced what it feels like to have a knife stuck in your side. The Fat Lady raised her eyebrows but swung forwards to let me in. I clambered through the portrait hole, feeling like every muscle in my body had turned to wood, and promptly collided with Frank and Alice, causing me to fall to the ground in a sweaty disgruntled heap. Alice and Frank looked at each other.

"Are you alright, Em? You're a bit...er...red in the face."

"I've been...been running," I said breathlessly by way of explanation, scrambling up and brushing myself down. Alice looked unconvinced.

"Running? Why?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll talk to you later." I pushed past her and started towards the girl's dormitory. "I'll see you in the Room of Requirement," she called after me but I was already opening the door and diving for my four poster bed. Her words only sunk in when I'd sunk heavily into the pillows with a sigh of relief. My joy was short-lived; no sooner had I thrown myself down when I was woken up by Lily. Nothing new there, let me assure you.

"There you are, Emmeline! We've been looking for you for hours! Marlene's borrowing your dress – I told her she should ask you first but we couldn't find you anywhere and everyone was already leaving. We thought you could wear that red dress you always said was too slutty? And anyway, I'm wearing jeans so then we'll all be – Emmeline? Are you ok?"

She asked this because at that point I had realised what she was talking about and buried my head in my hands with a moan of despair. The party the Marauders were throwing for Peter Pettigrew's birthday was tonight. Of course. How could I have forgotten?

"I don't want to go," I said thickly, my face still obscured by my hands. "I just want to die in a hole and never see daylight again."

Lily, who was used to this, patted me on the head absentmindedly. "Don't think you're getting out of this because you had to go to a detention. I _told_ you it would put you in a bad mood and ruin your evening but did you listen? I don't think so."

"But –"

"No buts. And what the hell have you done to your lips?! Talk about swollen. It looks like you've used an Engorgement Charm on them."

"Lily can't I just stay–"

"No time for excuses! Everyone's already left, Marlene went down with Peter. Remus looked ridiculously jealous but he should've asked her out last week..."

I reluctantly gave up on trying to escape after Lily had zipped up my dress, which I'd been right about by the way; it was far too short and the fact that it was strapless left me with an undignified amount of cleavage. The stilettos and black leather jacket Lily had thrust at me did nothing to improve my image either and as soon as I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I immediately tried to take my whole outfit off and change into trackies and a Quidditch jersey. My plan was foiled when I got the dress stuck over my head and had to get Lily's help, and, after a long argument about the pros and cons of looking like a hooker, I compromised by keeping the dress but exchanging the jacket and shoes for a denim shirt and some strappy heeled sandals. My hair and makeup also needed to be fixed and it was well after nine when we finally emerged from the girl's dormitory, Lily looking like a supermodel in tight jeans and a crop top, and me looking more like a little girl who was set free in her mother's wardrobe.

The Room of Requirement was in uproar when we arrived. I'll say this for the Marauders: they know how to throw a party. It was packed; hundreds of students were jumping up and down to the ear-splitting music issuing from the huge wall of speakers while bottles of alcohol lay strewn on the various sofas and chairs that lined the room. Balloons and streamers hung from the ceiling and a banner reading "Happy Birthday Wormtail" was draped across the chandelier, which was in danger of being hit by the two bludgers that were zooming around the ceiling.

The sight of all this loud adolescent merriment made me want to crawl into bed and never wake up. I can be the life and soul of the party when I want to be but, having had a pretty emotionally draining day confronting my demons, all I felt like doing was sleeping. Lily, however, had other ideas.

"Hey, there's Marlene! MARLENE! Come on," she shouted, dragging me over to the dance floor where Peter and my dorm-mate were...I'm not sure I can even call it dancing. More like wrestling. I noticed Marlene was wearing my midnight blue dress and vaguely wondered how she'd managed to fix the zip after Sirius had ripped it open. Bastard.

"Lily! Emmeline!" screamed Marlene, throwing an arm around each of us and accidently hitting me in the nose. "I've missed you...I've missed you so much. I tried to find you because..." She frowned and then knocked back the contents of a bottle of Firewhiskey, clutching Peter's arm for support.

"I think maybe you've had enough," I said firmly, prying the bottle away from her and raising my eyebrows at Peter but he was apparently as intoxicated as she was, roaring with laughter and pulling her back into the crowd. Call me boring but I felt an 'I told you so' coming on the next morning when they would both wake up with splitting headaches.

Lily thrust a bottle into my hands and took a swig of her own, looking around keenly. I guessed she was searching for James, who no doubt had the same idea for a few seconds later, we spotted him fighting his way through the crowd to reach us.

Lily squealed. "This is it, Emmeline. It's all going to change tonight, I can just feel it!" I snorted at her optimism. "James! Over here!" She yelled.

James looked up in surprise but grinned and pushed his way over to us. "Hey," he said breathlessly, running a hand through his hair. "I thought you weren't coming."

"I was waiting for Emmeline to show up," Lily laughed, pulling me forwards. "She had a detention with Binns and thought she could use it as an excuse not to come."

I glared at her. Fine, use my humiliation as a topic of conversation for you and your crush by all means.

"That's not like you," said James, looking from my black scowl to Lily's laughing face and clearly not knowing who to side with. "I would've thought this was the perfect opportunity to have a bit of fun after one of Binns's detentions. A few Slytherins have turned up, which wasn't planned," he added darkly, glancing around. "But everyone from Gryffindor's here and some from the other houses too. Benjy Fenwick asked if you were coming."

"That Ravenclaw seventh year?"

"Yup, that's him. Keeper on their Quidditch Team."

"What's all this about a Ravenclaw seventh year?" Marlene had sidled over, closely followed by Peter. "Is that the guy you slept with, Em?"

"You slept with Benjy Fenwick?" said Lily, looking horrified. James and Peter snorted to themselves.

"No I did not sleep with Benjy Fenwick." I suddenly felt claustrophobic again surrounded by the blasting noise of the music and too many drunken students. I pushed through the crowd away from my friends, who gazed after me blankly, and found an empty seat at the side of the room. I kicked the empty Firewhiskey bottles off it in a fit of anger, taking satisfaction in the sound of them shattering against the floor.

I sat down and took a sip from the bottle in my hand, wincing at the burn of the alcohol as it trickled down my throat. I was strangely reminded of the party a month ago, when I had spent the entire night searching for Sirius instead of enjoying myself. Now I wasn't even doing that, I thought gloomily, glancing around at the rest of my classmates who were all talking or dancing with each other. Sirius had been right; I took everything too seriously. I should be out there socialising, making memories, living in the moment! Instead I was stuck here on my own, drowning my sorrows. I took another swig of Firewhiskey.

Maybe I should've said yes to Sirius. A part of me had desperately wanted to and it would've been something crazy and wild; so often I was labelled as the sensible girl, the one who listened to other people's problems and was always there for her friends. Not that I'm complaining about that reputation: known for being sensible isn't bad compared to a lot of the rumours that circulate these days. But, after what Sirius had said a few hours ago, being sensible suddenly felt boring. Kissing him had felt forbidden and there was something dangerously exciting about that.

Maybe it was the alcohol. Actually, it was definitely the alcohol, but suddenly, I needed to find Sirius.

Déjà vu is something I'm not altogether familiar with, but that night felt alarmingly similar to the party a month ago. Before I knew what I was doing, I was drunk and I was looking for Sirius Black.

This time, however, he proved extremely easy to find. Surrounded by a group of Hufflepuff fifth year females, he was sitting on the opposite side of the room with a bottle of Firewhiskey in his fist, talking loudly. I fought my way through the crowd towards him, shoving people out of the way.

"And then, out of nowhere, this bludger comes hurtling towards me as I was inches from scoring," he was saying as I drew closer. The girls around him were gazing at him wide-eyed, hanging on his every word. "I glanced around just in time and managed to go into a tail spin just as it was about to hit me. A second later and I would've lost my arm." One of the girls cried out and covered her mouth with her hands in horror. Sirius winked at her and took a swig from his bottle.

"Sirius!" I shouted. "Sirius, over here!"

He glanced up and spotted me, squeezed between a burly Slytherin and a few Ravenclaw fourth-years. He jumped up, accidently knocking over a tiny Hufflepuff third year who had been adoringly clinging to his jeans, and strode over, reaching out a hand to pull me out of the crowd.

"Why did you run off?" he shouted to me over the music.

"I was scared of the dark," I shouted back, grinning. He didn't smile back. "I couldn't work out what I wanted," I added.

He stared at me for a few moments. "I can't hear what you're saying," he said finally and, grabbing my hand, he pulled us towards the door at the far end of the room.

Out in the corridor, it was cool and almost deafeningly quiet after the thunderous beat of the music inside. Sirius shut the door with a slam and turned to face me, downing the last of his drink and discarding the bottle on the floor where it smashed into pieces. I stared at the shards of broken glass, thinking about the mess I had made of everything.

"So," said Sirius. I glanced up at him and saw that he was staring at me intently. No pressure then.

"I just wanted to apologise," I said abruptly. "I shouldn't have just run off like that. It was a stupid, spineless thing to do. It's that...I didn't want to say the wrong thing, I guess."

"I just wanted to know how you felt."

"I know. I can't make up my mind about you."

He grinned. "I like that. I like that you think things through too much and you take everything too seriously. That's what makes us different."

"Yeah: I know how to take care of myself and you don't," I said, laughing.

"Look Emmeline...I don't want to put any pressure on you or anything. I don't want to force you into a decision about this either. I just can't work out whether you want this to happen or not – you change your mind every second. Just tell me where you're at with this."

I swallowed. "I think you were right," I said after a minute.

"I usually am, but about what specifically?"

"Arrogance," I said, shaking my head. "Careful, I'm drawing up a mental table as speak measuring benefits and drawbacks of what I'll have to put up with. Arrogance doesn't bode well."

"I take it back." There was a pause. "Answer the question, Emmeline."

And then, for the second time that day, something exploded in my mind. Imagine a psychological firework, sparks and electricity shooting through your nervous system, bringing your senses to life. I grabbed his hand and began to run, ignoring his protests. The ground felt like candyfloss, the ceiling was like the Milky Way and I knew in that one second exactly what I wanted. The little voice in my head had gone and had been replaced with a chorus of angels. I felt alive and free and scared and happy, all at the same time.

I didn't stop running, again for the second time that day, until we were inside the Gryffindor common room. The lights had been extinguished as it was completely deserted, and only the crackle and glint of the fire brought life to the room.

Sirius, who had long since given up asking questions, leant over, panting. "What was that all about?" he said between breaths. "Is this some sort of habit of yours? Running off as soon as the conversation gets serious?"

In reply, I kissed him.

In less than a minute, we were lying on his bed in the boy's dormitory. He broke the kiss to look down at me, his face serious. I didn't blame him; we'd got to this stage before when I'd got cold feet and literally made a run for it.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked.

"I'm sure," I whispered, and pulled him down towards me, wanting him to hold me closer and kiss me until the world ended.

**A/N So this got a bit cheesy at the end, which I know is out of character for Sirius, but they were both drunk so what ho. Things are going to change tommorow...get ready for one hell of a morning after. Now review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

I heard him before I saw him.

The sound of running water, coming from where I instinctively knew the bathroom should be, was rudely interrupting my morning lie-in so I rolled over onto my back, eyes still closed, and put a hand to my forehead with a frown. Pain flooded from my fingertips and I moaned in agony; I must've missed the turning to Sunday-morning bliss and instead arrived at hangover central. I cast my mind back, trying to put a number to the bottles of Firewhiskey I had consumed last night but lost count after about four. Spectacular. I opened my eyes and glanced round, expecting to find Sirius snoring beside me, but the bed was empty. My fingers reached out and stroked the indent in the pillow where his head had been.  
Don't read that the wrong way; I was trying to make sense of everything, not being all soppy and emotional. It only dawned on me where I was and what had happened when I looked down and found that I was naked.  
In Sirius Black's bed.  
_Again._

Blearily, head still throbbing like an organ, I untangled my legs from the sheets and peered out from between the curtains at the dormitory. The first thing I noticed was that it wasn't mine. I felt no blind panic at this though; after all, I'd woken up here before and unlike last time I could pretty much remember what had gone down. Not that I really wanted to think about that now.  
The second thing I noticed was that it was deserted, clothes and bottles scattered all over the floor and a strangely familiar pink lace bra flung over the headboard on my right. Hazily wondering what the time was, I put a foot out of bed, leaned forwards to stand up and was immediately assaulted by a blinding ray of sunlight from the skylight window above that struck me right in the eye. My retinas seared in painful protest and, blinking like mad, I let out of gasp of surprise; not only was I probably now sightless for the next hour, but the sun was already up high in the sky, meaning it had to be midday at the earliest. I had not only broken my promise to myself and gone back for seconds with Black, but I had also slept through _breakfast._ I couldn't decide which was more tragic.

Sitting on the bed, I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them to stop myself from shivering. Should I go and talk to him? Ask him what was going to happen now? Apologise? No, why should I apologise?! I hadn't done anything wrong after all, and maybe I was just making a big deal out of something that was commonplace. This was probably an everyday occurrence for Sirius, I thought glumly, gazing at the large purple hickey he had left on my shoulder with a shudder. What was the norm for this? Did I just nick another one of his T-shirts and stroll out shameless? Was I meant to pretend to be asleep and wait for him to come out the shower so he could wake me up with a kiss? Were we meant to act like a _couple_?! A sudden mental image of Sirius and I walking down a corridor hand in hand flashed before my eyes and I suppressed the urge to gag.

I stood up slowly, holding a sheet around myself more to keep warm than to protect my dignity, and made my way across the room to stop outside the bathroom door but just as I had raised my fist to knock, a wave of nerves hit me like the Hogwarts Express. What if he told me to leave, or laughed at me? What if he was disgusted with himself and never wanted to see me again? His words from yesterday floated like a storm cloud in my head; "I can't believe I slept with someone as pathetic as you...I must've been out of my mind." Who was I kidding? Sirius was a morality-free zone. It wasn't as if we were going to boil the kettle, break out the biscuits and have a nice cosy heart-to-heart. He'd probably tell me to grab my clothes and scat before the rest of his dorm came back.

But I couldn't just leave without saying something. That felt awfully similar to yesterday when I had bolted for the hills at the mention of commitment and left him standing there, probably feeling like an idiot. And all because curiosity had well and truly beaten the cat into the dust with a red-hot poker. Lupin's secret should've stayed Lupin's secret.

"Sirius," I said hesitantly. "Sirius, I think we should talk about this."

There was no sound from within, just the continuous rush of the water from the shower.

"Sirius!" I said, louder this time. Still nothing. I knocked on the door. "Sirius, we need to talk. I'm not leaving till we've sorted this out."

At that moment, just as I was about to kick the door in frustration, I heard something that made my blood freeze, and it didn't come from the bathroom. It was the distinct and unmistakeable sound of footsteps on the stairs leading up to the boy's dormitory. And they were getting closer.

Panic, hot nauseous shivering panic shot through my veins like a curse. The last thing I wanted was to be discovered naked trailing a sheet that had clearly come from Sirius's bed, banging on the door of the bathroom to try and get said shag-partner's attention and, making a wild decision for lack of any other noticeable hiding place, I flung open the door of the bathroom, dashed inside and slammed it shut behind me, just as James Potter entered the room.

The water stopped and Sirius's face appeared around the shower curtain. He gazed at me in horror for a few seconds and opened his mouth to ask what the hell I was doing, just as Potter on the other side of the door spoke up:

"Jeez Padfoot, you're finally awake." Sirius's expression, if possible, became even more horrified and I desperately put a finger to my lips, mouthing at him not to make a sound.

"How much did you drink last night, mate?" I heard James fling himself down on his bed. "We were looking for you for ages but Wormtail said he saw you running off with some girl. Was it that blonde Hufflepuff?" Silence. Sirius seemed to have forgotten how to speak; his mouth was opening and closing but no sound was coming out. "Padfoot? That is you in there, right?"

"Say something!" I hissed desperately; if he didn't reply in the next five seconds, James was going to realise something was up and the whole operation would be blown. It was one thing telling Lily and Remus, who were my two best friends, but if James Potter found out I'd been shagging his best mate, I might as well paint it on bed sheets and hang it off Gryffindor Tower for the whole of Hogwarts to see – the male version of Marlene, he was a one-man rumour mill. In his defence, it's hard to keep people's secrets when you're the most popular guy in the whole school.

Sirius swallowed. "Er...yeah, it's me," he called, sounding as if someone had run over his balls. "I...it wasn't a Hufflepuff."

"Huh. Hey, I made progress with Evans," said James, trying and failing not to sound ridiculously happy. "I don't know what I did but she's suddenly into me."

Sirius momentarily forgot I was there and snorted in disbelief. "Has she had some sort of personality transplant?"

"If she has, I'm not complaining," said James gleefully. "She hasn't been so nice to me in six years."

"Good for you, mate. I'll admit it, she's pretty damn hot."

I rolled my eyes.

"Amen to that. Who was it you were with last night then? A Ravenclaw? That Isabel girl from last week? McKinnon?"

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I couldn't help a sudden jolt of anger. "Who's Isabel?!" I mouthed furiously.

Sirius smirked. "Nope, none of them. I wouldn't go near McKinnon in case Moony decides to forget his Wolfsbane and rips my head off. And Isabel...been there, done that."

I glared at him, mouthing "You're disgusting." He winked in reply.

"Merlin, stop being so secretive. Since when have you cared about protecting girls' modesties?"

"Nah, I don't care about that. This girl just isn't worth mentioning."

"Not worth mentioning?!" I whispered in incredulity, walking towards him threateningly. "What happened to '_last night was sensational'_?!"

James laughed. "Do I know her?"

Sirius grinned at me, his eyes locked on mine as he replied, "Yeah. She's nothing special though. I reckon she's way more into me than I am into her."

For a moment there was silence. In the bathroom, I had snapped and was now silently trying to punch Sirius in the face, unsuccessfully as he both bigger and stronger than I was and was holding me off with ease. On the other side of the door however, James, completely oblivious, yawned and stood up.

"Hm. Hey, did I leave my glasses in there earlier? Hold on." I heard footsteps and suddenly the bathroom door handle was turning. I screamed noiselessly and dived for the shower, dropping my sheet in the process, colliding with Sirius, who was mouthing protests, and ripping the shower curtain closed behind me. A few seconds later, it properly sunk in that I was standing in a shower with Sirius Black with water streaming down into my eyes, hiding from his best mate who was less than five feet away from us. Oh yeah, and we were both completely naked.

James entered the bathroom and walked over to the sink, hands feeling around the shelves for his glasses. We could see his shadow on the curtain, which was thin and dangerously see-through, still swinging slightly from where I had pulled it shut. I gazed intently at it, determined not to look at Sirius who was uncomfortably close, the shower itself being only a few feet wide even with me as I was with my back flat against the wall in a vain attempt to protect my personal space. I prayed that James would find his bloody glasses and get out. However, like always, it seemed that universe had better things to do than listen.

"Dorcas Meadowes sure has grown up," said James conversationally, peering into the mirror to make sure his hair looked perfectly windswept. "Did you see her last night? Funny how nature works."

"I think Emmeline's been looking pretty good recently."

I glanced up in disbelief to find Sirius grinning at me, one hand on the wall by my head and his skin sparkling with water droplets. A part of me wanted to tell him to shut it in case James figured out what was going on, but the teenage girl in me dissolved into butterflies at the compliment and, instinctively, I smiled back.

"Agreed. She can be a right bitch when she wants to be though."

I scowled through the ten-centimetre-thick sheet of plastic between us.

"I like that about girls," said Sirius with a smirk. Our noses were practically touching and he was curling a lock of my hair, which was now soaking wet, around his finger. "I'd rather have someone with a bit of personality. Maybe I'll see what she's doing on Saturday."

James snorted. "Don't start this again. I thought you were over this; she's way too proud even to think about saying yes to you. This just in, you've got a bit of a reputation."

"I don't think she'd mind that," said Sirius, trying not to laugh. So far, I had failed to see any humour in the situation but even I had to admit, if James could see us now he would fall off his broomstick. I grinned, then suppressed a giggle, then began to silently shake with laughter.

James ran a hand through his hair and opened the door to leave. "Don't forget we've got Quidditch training in half an hour. See you on the pitch."

I stopped laughing abruptly as the door closed behind him. "Quidditch?!" I burst out. "We have Quidditch _now_?! I'm not going. Tell James I'm mortally sick. I haven't eaten anything in twenty four hours; he can't expect me to play when I'm half-starved."

"Calm down," said Sirius, still playing with my hair. "I thought you said you wanted to talk."

"Well that was before your evil roommate shows up and starts snooping around," I grumbled. "Do you realise how close that was? If he'd found me in here, can you imagine what would've happened? And why didn't you answer me when I knocked in the first place?"

"I was showering wasn't I? I'd expect you of all people to respect personal hygiene."

"Me of all people?!" I pulled my hair out of his grasp and stepped out of the shower, shivering momentarily at the cold air on my damp skin. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Merlin, you take everything so personally."

"Well call me crazy but it's hard not to take personal hygiene seriously when it's got the word 'personal' in it," I snapped.

"Oh please! You think everything I say to you is an insult!"

"That's because it usually is!"

"True, but when I make an effort to be nice, you throw it back at me!"

"Sirius, you can't just expect me to –"

Caught up in our usual shouting match, neither of us had remembered to keep our voices down. James Potter had not yet left the dormitory and, hearing raised voices coming from the bathroom where he'd been standing not two minutes ago, he strode over, wrenched the door open, and was met with the sight of me and Sirius, completely naked and soaking wet, faces contorted with rage and inches apart, shouting at each other in fits of anger. I broke off mid rant at the sound of the door opening and glanced around. James was staring at us with a mixture of shock and bewilderment on his face. For a few seconds, the three of us stood stock-still, lost in the bizarreness of the situation.

I was the first to come crashing back down to Planet Earth.

"James Potter, you turn around right this instance," I growled, hunting wildly for a towel to cover myself up and, upon discovering that Sirius had taken the only clean one, whipped the mat off the floor and wrapped it around myself Roman-style. James turned around hastily, clearly fighting the urge to the laugh. Sirius obviously had the same urge but was not fighting it very hard for the next second his face cracked into a grin and he began to chuckle. Pretty soon the two of them were in fits of mirth, rolling around on the floor and clutching their sides for support.

"Honestly," I snapped, stalking out of the bathroom holding the mat around me. "This isn't funny. You'd better not tell anyone about this, James, or you can bet your ass Lily won't look twice at you in the future."

"You were...just standing there...naked..." gasped James, tears rolling down his face. "And you...didn't even know I was..." He gave up the battle of speech and howled with laughter.

"Oh well done," I said icily. "It's not my fault you evidently didn't know where to look. Now get the hell out, I need to find my underwear."

This simple declaration of the facts sent them both into more peals of laughter, so, having no choice but to resort to desperate measures, I plucked Sirius's wand from his bedside table and shot a pimple jinx at both of them. Sirius ducked just in time but I got James smack in the face. That sobered him up nicely, I can tell you.

With James gone to lick his wounds and Sirius agreeing that I needed privacy, I was left alone in the boy's dorm. I had not been lying earlier; I really was going to have go on some twisted treasure hunt in search of my underwear. I found my bra under the bed along with one of my heeled sandals. My dress, which luckily I had never liked that much, was completely ruined, Sirius having no idea how female garments should be treated and instead of doing it the traditional way and unhooking the back, had decided to just rip it open. I didn't care about the dress as it was too short for me anyway, but what was quite worrying was the fact that I now had nothing to wear. I didn't fancy a stroll down to the common room in my bra and pants, thank you very much: I'd already exposed myself far more than I would've liked today and didn't plan on repeating that any time soon.

I cast my eyes around the room, searching for something I could wear. James's hoodie lay abandoned on the floor, but he was bound to realise it was missing; there was a set of robes hanging from one of the bedposts, but on closer inspection they turned out to be Lupin's, fully kitted out with a gleaming Prefect badge that would draw far too much attention to myself. Eventually, my eyes lighted on Sirius's Quidditch jersey, lying at the foot of his bed.

I picked it up and fingered the soft material, running my finger over the smooth line of the golden G for Gryffindor on the front. It smelt of him, smelt of pine trees and fresh lemons, and this time the smell did not disgust me. It was the same smell that I'd breathed in when we'd been in the shower together half an hour ago. It was the same smell that had washed over me yesterday in the dark second-floor corridor. It was the same smell that had clung to the T-shirt that still lay in the corner of the girl's dormitory bathroom where, over a month ago, I had flung it in a fit of rage.

I pulled the jersey over my head and turned to look at myself in the mirror. It fell to my knees like a dress, the shoulders reaching almost down to my elbows, but it was warm and soft inside. I gazed at my reflection. A month ago, I would've shuddered at any mention of wearing something of Sirius Black's; it would've felt too much like a label proclaiming me his. Now, I realised with a start, I wanted that label. I didn't care that people would judge me and put me down as just another one of Black's lays, doomed forever to hang on his every word and follow him around the castle like a puppy. I wanted to be with him, wanted him to hold me and tell me he wanted me too. I closed my eyes and silently relived the way he had kissed me yesterday, the feel of his hair between my fingers, his hands on my waist, his eyes like a stormy ocean gazing into mine.

In that moment, I felt suddenly connected. It was as if you've been staring through a curtain of rain and suddenly the sun comes out. Everything was clear and bright. For the first time, I knew what I wanted, and I didn't even need alcohol to help me get there.

I pulled on my sandals and dashed out of the dormitory, laughing out loud when I thought of what Sirius would say. He would laugh because I had finally made up my mind, after a month of torture and deliberation and confusion. He would joke that if he'd known all it took was one more night then he would've got me drunk sooner. And then we would kiss and he would tell me that he wanted us to be together.

As I emerged into the common room and glanced around, I half expected my conscience to put up a fight, but the little voice had been silenced and no guilty messages of retribution were invading my brain. I spotted my friends across the room and hurried over.

"James! Have you seen Sirius?" I asked, grinning. "I need to find him. I need to talk to him."

James looked uncomfortable. I suddenly remembered that not long ago he'd been staring at me naked, and laughed. "It's ok. I'm the one who should be embarrassed, not you."

"No, it's not that. Sirius...he's not here."

"Oh. Do you know where he is? I've got to tell him something."

"He went to the Owlery, but listen, Emmeline –"

"The Owlery? That's weird; I didn't even know he had an owl." I laughed again. Everything seemed funny. "Thanks James."

"Emmeline, wait. I don't think you should –"

"Oh relax! I'm not mad at him or anything," and with that, I ran out of the portrait hole and headed straight for the grounds.

Outside, it was cold and fresh. The afternoon air stung my cheeks but it spurred me on, my feet running faster than they ever had before. My hair, still wet from the shower, streamed out behind me and I stretched out my arms. This felt amazing. I should make decisions about things more often; life is better when confusion is eliminated.

I took the steps up to the Owlery three at a time, still laughing at nothing, and pushed the door open, planning on surprising him.

I was the one who was surprised.

The smile froze on my face. Up against the wall was Sirius with a blonde girl I didn't recognise. And they were kissing, his arms tight around her waist and her hands locked in his hair.

**A/N Poor Emmeline :( So this was a dick move for Sirius, but that isn't the whole story. Hope you enjoyed Chapter 7, please tell me what you think! **


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

In the past, I had been unfortunate enough to walk in on no less than three of my boyfriends cheating. And that was saying something, considering my ex-list totalled four.

Third year, I waited in The Three Broomsticks for two hours before grimly accepting I had been stood up by my long-term boyfriend (and by that I mean we dated for two weeks – things are different when you're under 5 feet tall) Adam Mythionage, only to discover him in Honeyduke's buying Melanie Steel a lollipop. As I watched ashen-faced from the window, he leaned in and pecked her on the lips. Being thirteen, my temper had not yet blossomed into the actively erupting volcano that it is today, and so, instead of storming in and shoving that lollipop down his throat, I turned tail and fled. By next morning, our relationship was decidedly over. Lily informed me that Adam had cried and begged for forgiveness; although I'm fairly sure she only said that for my benefit, the satisfaction and righteousness I felt was kind of nice, and I wondered why people said breaking up was so difficult. The sympathy and chocolate I was receiving didn't seem too awful to me.

I should've been more careful what I wished for, as history has a habit of repeating itself. In the Christmas holidays of fifth year, in a relationship that had lasted almost six months, I accidently walked in on boyfriend Tim McMillan making out with a stranger – a male stranger. That was when I decided to have a serious break from the relationship game. It was too full of confusion and doubt, thinking one thing one minute before having your whole world tipped upside down the next, and I couldn't work out why it was so appealing to the majority of my female age group. I didn't stay angry with Tim for long – he'd been through a pretty rough time trying to understand how he felt and in his position, I figured I might've done something similar. But the pain and resentment haunted me throughout that year, prompting me to reject all romantic attention and even go as far as to cease hanging out with any guys at all, including my friends such as Remus and James. They were confused to say the least; I remember James sliding me a note across the desk in Transfiguration that read "We're not carrying plague, you know."

The third came right at the end of fifth year, just before we broke up for the holidays. I had known Gideon Prewett had a dangerous reputation long before I asked him out – yes, you read that right. It was me who did the asking, contrary to Marlene's previous less-than-enthusiastic outlook on girls taking the plunge. And when I say 'dangerous reputation', I do not mean he slept with every female on the horizon, much like one particular dark-haired player who I need not mention. Nor do I mean that he resided at the other end of the spectrum and pointedly refused to interact with the opposite sex, instead preferring to live in state of blissful, abstinent celibacy.  
Prewett was known for falling in love.  
Ah the dreaded L-word. That's not the last time it's going to crop up in this story so all you romantics out there can breathe a sigh of relief. Those of you who aren't into that fluffy stuff (hear hear, I'm playing for your team), I'm sorry. I'll keep it to a minimum, I promise.  
Nevertheless, our relationship lasted three months before I caught him in bed with a slimy Slytherin prefect called Enid Waresy, who took one look at my horror-struck expression and burst out laughing. Just for the record, she sounded like a seal on crack. Gideon, I guess out of politeness more than anything else, turned bright red before standing up to gabble an apology, but by then I had already left.  
So reads my dating history.

You can imagine then, reader, the sickeningly familiar shock that sunk down through my veins as I stood there frozen to the ground, mouth hanging open slightly and eyes wide as planets. Everything was in slow motion; my heart, which had been pounding against my ribcage not seconds before, suddenly felt as if someone had stamped on it; my cheeks were tingling as blood flooded to them and made me flush a deep shade of scarlet; my eyes could not leave Sirius. For one fleeting moment I thought I was dreaming, but then the girl opened her eyes and spotted me, and I knew that I was definitely not asleep: if looks could kill, I'd be fifty feet under by now.

"Sirius!" she hissed, nodding over his shoulder at me. The room was deadly silent. My brain still hadn't really kicked in that this was the moment to be backing a hasty retreat and fleeing for the hills, maybe because I was once again fighting an internal battle: a part of me was desperate to watch Sirius's reaction, while the other part knew that staying was something I would no doubt regret later.  
Sirius whipped around and for the second time that day, his eyes locked on mine with such intensity, I almost keeled over in a dead faint right then and there. The storm in his irises met the sea in mine, and for a split second, we held each other's gaze, separated by more than just a few feet of stone floor and yet together, fixed, connected. Just call it Priori Incantatum of the retinas.

And then Sirius's expression, which had been a mixture of confusion, guilt and anger, suddenly cleared. His eyes hardened and I consciously felt my pupils' contract. "What the hell are you doing here, Vance?" he said, his voice threateningly low. "I thought you were going to Quidditch practise."

"I..." It was still too quiet, the slight echo of Sirius's words hanging in the air. There was so much I wanted to say, insults I wanted to hurl and pain I wanted to inflict on him for doing this to me, for making me think that he cared. He didn't, and would never care about me, and that realisation was the killer; I had fallen for the lie. I didn't deserve this. I wanted to tell him to take a long walk off a short cliff but, for once in my life, I looked at him and words failed me.

The girl, who had been looking me up and down snottily, had noticed what I was wearing. "Why is she in your clothes?" she shot at Sirius, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You told me you'd stopped sleeping with Gryffindors."

"I have," said Sirius calmly, still staring at me. "I don't know how she got hold of it."

The girl sighed and looked at him witheringly. "You probably slept with her ages ago and can't remember." She glanced at me with a mixture of pity and disgust. "She's clearly infatuated with you if she still wears it after all this time."

Sick of being talked about as if I wasn't there, and not to mention sick of being talked about as if I was just another one of Black's lays, I almost ripped the jersey off before realising I wasn't wearing anything underneath. My eyes were burning dangerously, but I was not going to cry or show any form of weakness in front of him. He wanted to play it like that? Fine. If he didn't care, I as sure as hell didn't care and I wanted him to know it, to feel what I was feeling. Even if Sirius Black was incapable of ordinary human emotion.

"Have you told her, Black? Have you told her what you were doing last night? Maybe it might interest your girlfriend to know that less than six hours ago we were making out, less than four hours ago we were shagging and less than one hour ago we were naked in the shower together."

My words were met with a ringing silence. Sirius was looking at me with something like wonder on his face, but the girl's smirk was fading fast.

"You were with her last night, weren't you?" she said, and her voice was ominously quiet. "You lied to me and then spent the whole night screwing her. You...you don't care about me at all."

"Hurts, doesn't it?" I muttered.

"Tell me the truth, Sirius!" cried the girl shrilly, ignoring me. "Did you sleep with her? Did you sleep with her and _lie_ to me about it?"

He looked down at her with a mixture of amusement and annoyance on his face. "Yeah, I did," he said viciously. "And actually, so did she. We did it in _my_ bed, not hers."

Wham. The girl, whose name I still hadn't remembered even though I now had new-found respect for her, slapped Sirius hard across the face before turning on her heel, whipping her hair across his eyes and storming out. She gave me a very dirty look in passing but I merely waved at her cheerily: she'd done what I should've done ages ago, and what I was itching to do right now.

"So, have you come back for more? So soon?"

I couldn't look at him without feeling sick. He was teasing me, after I'd just caught him with his tongue down another girl's throat the morning after I'd woken up next to him for the second time, and he had the nerve to stand there playing with me as if I was the one in the wrong. The tears that were scorching behind my eyes were becoming unbearable. A drop escaped and ran down my cheek, leaving a trail of moisture over my skin.

"I thought we had...I thought you..." I swallowed. I had been stupid, completely utterly nose-over-tail idiotic to believe that there was anything that existed between us. Why did I always end up in this situation? This couldn't be my fault _again_. Just for once, I needed someone else to blame, and the wretch standing before me seemed like a pretty good candidate.

"Come on, spit it out," said Sirius impatiently.

The waterworks were really close to making an appearance now, and it took all my powers of self restraint not to burst into tears on the spot. Instead, I narrowed my eyes in an attempt at disgust and stared him down. "I knew you were low, but I just didn't know you were _that _low."

Sirius's expression didn't change. "What's the problem? Going through another moral dilemma in there, are you? It's not my problem you can't control yourself so stop blaming me for your mistakes."

"This isn't about that!"

"So enlighten me."

"This is about you hooking up with some other girl! What's the matter with you?! Are you ashamed it happened? Was it so bad that you couldn't even wait a day before crawling back to your loyal fan club? _Am I not good enough for you_?!" I suddenly realised I was shouting, and my voice shook. "I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted...wanted..."

"You were jealous."

I looked at him, and he wasn't smiling. He didn't look angry either; he just stood there, arms folded almost defensively across his chest, eyes widened slightly. I wanted a reaction, wanted him to yell at me, or kiss me, or slap me, or do _anything_. But he just waited. The tears were coming thick and fast now, and I turned my face away from him, not wanting to be seen so vulnerable.

"I was not jealous," I muttered. "Who'd be jealous of her? Thanks to you, she's now got to live with contaminated saliva for the rest of her natural life."

"It's okay; you can admit that you've got feelings for me. You wouldn't be the first."

"_And_ she's now gonna have to wash that shirt at least five times: you were running your hands all over it."

"In fact, I'm pretty impressed you managed to hold out for so long. Most of them start confessing way before I've gone back for seconds but –"

"Shut up!" I snarled, cutting across him, and he flinched slightly at the anger in my voice despite the tears that were now streaming down my face. Many of the surrounding owls hooted in alarm and flapped their wings apprehensively. "Do you think the world revolves around you? Just because you've shagged half the school doesn't make you some sort of god. You run around, _defining_ the word arrogant, hexing anyone that gets in your way, flirting with every girl in sight and being a complete git: and the worst part is that you don't even care. You don't care if you've ruined someone's day, or picked on their insecurity, or really hurt them. You don't care about anyone, except yourself!"

There was a pause. I suddenly hated the sound of my own voice. The owls in the eaves above hooted softly to each other amid the rustle of the straw as shadows crept like ghosts across the wall.

Then Sirius grinned – a reaction I neither expected nor wanted. "That's the sixth time you've ranted at me in a month. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were...how shall I put it? _Conflicted_," he put delicate stress on the word, still leaning against the wall with an air of frustratingly casual indifference. "If you really think I'm such a git, explain why you woke up in my bed this morning."

"I'll tell you why, its b-because...because...it's because..."  
_Someone has become a pathetic stammering wreck, _sneered the nasty little voice in my head. _Someone's too afraid to admit she fell for a playing lowlife_. No, I snapped, go away; I'm dealing with this. I haven't fallen for him – I've fallen for the idea of him, but rest assured I'm picking myself up and having a serious reality check. _So, _my conscience sniggered,_ why are you crying? Why has the room suddenly become ten times hotter? Why do you want him to stride over and kiss you senseless at this very moment? _

"You want me, Vance. You just can't admit it to yourself.

I couldn't stay there, not with the note of smugness ringing in his voice and his smirk glowing with self-satisfaction. Blinking profusely to try and stop the tears, I turned on my heel and left, aware but uncaring of the fact that the words that Sirius had just said were not only cruel, but also disgustingly true. It was a few moments before he followed me. Just as I got to the bottom of the stairs, I heard his footsteps hurrying along behind and turned to find him panting at my side, still wearing that infuriating smile.

"Go away," I said shortly, striding off in the direction of the castle, but clearly Sirius had not just run down three flights of stairs to show respect. Instead of doing the decent thing and meekly giving me some space, he rolled his eyes as if I was a spoilt toddler and caught up easily.

"Where are you going?" he asked as he strode along beside me.

"Anywhere away from you," I growled.

"Everyone will have gone down for lunch already."

"_So?_"

"So you're going to be alone in the common room."

"Who says I'm going to the common room?"

"Where else are you gonna go?"

I rounded on him. "What's it got to do with you?! Just leave me alone, Black. You've done enough for one day."

"Why don't we hang out for a bit?"

"_What_?!"

He grinned. "I'm serious."

"Is that some sort of joke?" I almost laughed, but was still too angry for anything, even that sort of statement, to be funny. "Feel free to take offence here: you are literally the last person on Earth that I want to talk to right now."

"Oh come on, we both know you don't mean that."

I kept walking pointedly.

"Hey wait! I thought you might want to finish what we started last night!"

Shocked as I was that he would even suggest that, I still did not reply but broke into a run, changing course from the castle to the Quidditch pitch. I knew Black would not follow me down there as it was a long trek through the mud – perfect off-putter for someone as lazy as he was. The dark shadows of the trees whipped past me as I ran down the slope and past the Whomping Willow, my feet thudding on the ground and splashing mud in all directions. The sky was now iron grey and cloudy, swollen threateningly with rain. I reached the changing rooms just as the first drops had begun to fall, pulled on my Quidditch robes and grabbed the nearest broomstick from the cupboard. Its twigs were bent and there were several cracks in the long wooden handle, but I did not care; flying was the only thing that could clear my head.

Kicking off from the ground, I was dimly aware of the rain which was now a heavy curtain, thundering against the pitch and destroying my visibility. The wind tore at my clothes and howled in the echoing stands around me. This was not good flying weather. I did, with difficulty, a few laps of the pitch before striking out for deeper waters. The rain still stinging my eyes and lashing my face, I wrenched the broom around and shot off towards the turrets of the castle, tall delicate silhouettes on the horizon.

How dare Sirius think that I had feelings for him?! There was nothing for him now, no desire or need or doubt: just stone cold anger. I shouldn't have been surprised at his actions, as he was nothing more than an asshole, feeding off other people's emotions like a Dementor before climbing over them to get to someone else. He didn't care about how I felt, or what I wanted; he was, and always had been only in it for what he could get out of it – namely, a good shag. How could I have let myself go like that? Didn't I know better? Didn't I have any sense at all of self-control?!

The rain was really driving down now, completely blinding me to my surroundings. My hands, gloveless and frozen numb, clung to the handle; the wind was blowing me dangerously off-course.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a turret loomed out of the mist. My mind was still on Sirius, and I swerved a second too late: my leg hit the stone with a sickening crunch and I cried out in pain, losing my grip on the broom and slipping sideways. I screamed as the broom lurched beneath me, colliding with the roof of the tower and pitching about as if it was having a fit. It unseated me on the fourth impact: I tumbled off sideways, lunging for the turret whilst reaching blindly for the broom but my hand clutched at the air and found nothing. I was left hanging by one hand from the spire of the tower at least five hundred feet up, with the rain thundering down around me, the wind seriously threatening to blow me right off and with neither a broom nor a wand. Bad situation.

I glanced around frantically, trying to work out what to do. If I could just get that traitorous broomstick back, I could somehow hook my leg round it and get within flying distance. Where had it gone? I gritted my teeth and looked down – to see the splintered remains of what had been a broomstick, smashed to pieces against the roof below. I could barely see the ground as the mist was thick and swirling, but the few trees I could see were nothing more than cocktail sticks. Now I really was in trouble; the spire would not hold my weight for much longer and sooner or later, I thought miserably, I would be plummeting to my death.

My fingers still desperately clutched around the thin metal spike, I closed my eyes and cursed Sirius Black. If I was going to die, the least he could do was take the blame; after all, if I hadn't been so preoccupied with hating him, I wouldn't have fallen off my broom in the first place. Stupid idiot. I tried to twist my leg around to hoist myself higher up the roof but cried out at the shuddering stab of pain that flared through my knee when I tried to move. Great – not only was I stuck on a roof but my leg was probably broken. "I hate you, Sirius!" I yelled in frustration, my voice lost in the noise of the rain hammering on the tiles.

I don't know how long I hung there, suspended in mid air. I was freezing cold, the wind biting into my skin. Things flashed before my eyes: my eleventh birthday party, my wand lying in its box in Ollivander's, Shacklebolt telling me I'd made the Quidditch team, the after-party a month ago, and Sirius naked in the shower. I knew I was going to die; no one could fall that far and live to tell the tale.

Just as the memory of Sirius kissing the girl in the Owlery cut through my mind, I felt the spire creak. I glanced up in dread, and saw that it had bent over completely, now just a thin fibre of metal between me and the hard ground below. I willed it to hold, prayed with all my might. I couldn't fall! I didn't want to die like this! It was now blinding panic holding me still rather than the cold. There was a moment just before it happened when I swear my heart stopped.

And then the spire snapped.

The last thing I remember was hurtling down through blackness, the sound of my own piercing scream, and Sirius's eyes, gazing into mine as he leaned in to kiss me.

**A/N Sorry it's been awhile since I updated! Emmeline will return in Chapter Nine :) **


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